And one of the biggest mistakes for me in relationships, which leads to suffering, is when a partner demands someone else's attention.
Recently I came across a situation where one person told another that if you want my attention, attract him. Yes, of course, that's how it works. We are all raised this way from childhood. You need something - attract attention. And that’s how it works in society. This is how marketing works, this is how propaganda works. But relationships are something completely different. Real relationships, without pain and suffering, between a man and a woman, between friends - this is about a deep level of interaction. This is just about freedom. About the freedom to use your attention. When everyone determines for themselves how much of their attention they are willing to direct to their partner, and not when they ask for it. Of course, dialogue takes place when you can recognize and get to know each other. But the point is precisely that there is no need to demand or ask, but that this should be a natural desire, closer to the need to direct your attention to your partner. But all participants in the relationship must understand this.

If you treat relationships as a matter of course, such relationships will either collapse or become bad.
A good example is the relationship between children and parents. How many parents think about the need to give attention and accept this attention in a relationship? Or, a clear example, when a married couple, having lived for a long time, stopped paying attention to the relationship, and such relationships are destroyed.

An ideal relationship also requires allowing the other party in the relationship to change, noticing those changes, and making the choice to stay in the relationship—that is, re-choosing daily.
How is that possible, you ask? Everything develops and changes. Every new experience, new thoughts, every new day can have an impact on our perception of the world and the surrounding reality. We may lose habits or addictions, or develop new hobbies. Our interests can change and change. All organisms and systems change and mutate. So your partner can change. And here it is important to allow change, not to keep him or her in thoughts about who he or she is no longer. After all, such retention leads to suffering and destruction of relationships. It is possible to notice such changes when you truly direct your Attention to your partner. It won't work out any other way.

Including, you allow yourself to change. And your partner needs to notice and accept these changes so that you continue to be in this relationship with him.