How to save a relationship during war: advice for women
id: 10050256

The human psyche perceives war as a catastrophe for human life, including all spheres. Relationships in a couple are one of those areas where during this period, conflicts and separations occur more often, the form of relationships changes, and what was deeply hidden or unsaid at the time is revealed. Why this happens, says a psychologist practicing in the method of Gestalt therapy, transactional analysis, cognitive-behavioral therapy

Anger and complaints against each other

The human psyche is predictable - it is important to understand the meaning and meaning of each emotion and learn to express them correctly.
Everyone needs anger like air. Through aggression, we close our needs and build interpersonal boundaries of contact with people and with partners in relationships.
Now the anger is actually directed at the aggressor, at a situation that cannot be resolved on its own level, because war is a political matter, not a romantic one.
Making claims to her husband: "You can't solve anything!", "You have your own point of view?!", "You don't understand me," etc., a woman drives him into a corner in this way.
It is important to understand: yes, your husband cannot solve some issues just now. But even with criticism in his direction, with the devaluation of the personal ambitions of the other half, you will definitely not get the result.
This can be easily verified. Try to answer the question: what result have you already achieved by suppressing your partner's ego? Now think about how happy you are with the result you have.

What shall I do?

Support each other, learn to hear who can and who cannot give what during this period. To solve the problem together, and not by yourself to get angry and resentful later.
Talking to each other through "I-messages" instead of "You-messages". For example: "I'm asking for your help" instead of "You're not helping me!".

Men don't cry

Every woman has an image of her and only her hero. In women's imagination, a man is most often strength, determination, the ability to make decisions, earn money and bear responsibility for the well-being of the family. And when a woman sees fear, despair, helplessness and tears in her man's eyes, her expectations are "broken" with heartache.
And in such cases, the couple's relationship begins to lose its meaning, because the woman stops seeing the man as a hero, and the man "closes down", avoiding communication out of fear of being himself and revealing his human nature.
Let's add here a feeling of guilt towards men and shame at the same time for their emotions. And women have resentment and fear of trusting such a man. What to do both?
Remember: there is a person, and there are his reactions. Each person has their own personal reactions to some event, and they have feelings for you.
It is important not to confuse these two points, because all people cry from pain, as well as laugh from joy, unless the laughter is caused by a defensive reaction to what is happening.
And every reaction or look does not characterize a change in attitude towards you personally. Besides, to feel sorry for someone is to devalue any person even more. Pity humiliates, and resentment does not solve the essence of the problem. Learn to separate your partner's emotions from your feelings.