In modern Russia, there is a number of different kinds of wedding ceremonies: from the very traditional to the more modern USA and UK styles. But even those who choose ultra-modern weddings often enjoy incorporating a few old traditions. In the following article, we will describe some of them, from the preparing for the celebrations to the famous bride’s kidnapping.
A marriage certificate is a legal document and in order to get married and receive a certificate, a couple must apply to the registry office known as ZAGS, the official marriage registration body in Russia. The application should be filed at least three months before the wedding date to allow a change of heart. The couple visits ZAGS on the day of the wedding ceremony in order to receive their official marriage certificate of marriage.
There’s a Russian wedding superstition that a marriage made in the month of May will not be a happy one - many people, particularly older folks, can be heard reciting wise sayings such as “Good people do not get married in May”, or “Those married in May will always pine”. Although not 100% certain, it is thought that this superstition may come from the fact that the Russian word for May (Mai) is very similar to the word ‘mayatsa’ which means to suffer or pine.
In order for a marriage ceremony to be complete, it must be witnessed by two people. Most couples choose a good friend each, usually, the best man and the maid of honor, to perform this responsibility, but many people who have a ‘no fuss’ wedding will simply ask strangers on the street to help out. Although this is a legal requirement in many countries, that’s no longer the case in Russia, however, many couples still bestow the honor of witnessing to those two dear friends who will wear a special sash for the occasion.
A Russian bridal party will generally consist of a bride, a groom, a best man, a maid of honor, and bridesmaids. The best man’s job is to organize a stag party, ensure that the groom arrives on time and, to take responsibility for the wedding rings. The best man will traditionally make a speech during the wedding reception. The maid of honor and bridesmaids are responsible for helping the bride with all wedding arrangements including choosing the dress, organizing a hen party, and helping the bride to get ready on the big day.
The Russian bride’s outfit will generally be a long white dress and will sometimes have a train and a veil. Traditionally, the bride will wear items symbolizing the traditional rhyme. Although there are no rules here, it’s generally accepted that “something old” should be an item of jewelry from an older family member. “Something new” can be any part of the bride’s outfit, which symbolizes her new life. “Something borrowed” is traditionally an item from a happily married lady, and “something blue” is often a garter despite the fact that this one should represent love and modesty!
Before the bride and groom can arrive at their venue and become husband and wife, there is a number of old and new traditions which must be observed. Although most of these are not legal requirements, they are a fun part of the proceedings.
On the morning of the big day, the groom must prove his devotion and determination to marry his Russian girl by running an obstacle course on his betrothed’s stairwell. Friends and family will gather in the stairwell and challenge the groom to answer questions, pay fines, and pass tests in order to be able to ascend the stairs to claim his bride and escort her to their venue.
In some countries, the groom is not allowed to see his bride until they are standing at the altar. This is not the case in Russia as, traditionally, the groom will collect his bride from her home, however, the bride and groom may not travel to the venue together and will, instead, travel in separate cars.
It is thought that somebody crossing in front of the happy couple before they reach their venue is bad luck. Some older folk in villages still believe that only sorcerers and ill-wishers would do such a thing in order to bring bad luck to the couple.
Although the modern Russian streets are not known to be lined with sorcerers, this is a tradition that many still take very seriously.
Both men and women in Russia value marriage and make it an official confirmation of their love for each other. Whether you go for a theatrically traditional wedding or a quirky modern one, you’re not officially married by law until you have visited the ZAGS and have acquired your marriage certificate. Couples can choose for a small (and cheap) affair by having their ceremony performed in that same office before celebrating elsewhere.
In Russia, the most popular piece of music chosen by couples to accompany them down the aisle is the Mendelssohn march, although, in more modern ceremonies, many couples tend to choose equally modern music.
Russian tradition has it that a wedding ring dropped during the ceremony is an omen of bad luck. During the ceremony, the best man presents the rings to the couple. The groom will place the ring on his bride’s finger whilst he says his vows.
If a ring box is present, this should be taken by the bridesmaid who may be hoping that it will soon be her turn to stand at the altar with her husband to be. Traditionally, bridesmaids should not be married women, with the exception of the maid of honor.
An odd Russian wedding tradition is the one that says a bride and her groom must eat bread with salt before they leave their families to start their new life together. A karavay (wedding cake) is baked by the groom’s mother who, traditionally, would present it to the couple when they come to visit. These days, this cake, which is closer to a work of art than something to be eaten, tends to be brought to the restaurant or venue where the reception will take place. The happy couple will take a bite of the cake, and they’d best make it a big one as tradition says that whoever takes the bigger bite will wear the trousers in their family!
Among many of the Russian traditions, there are a lot of similar ones which are said to determine the head of the family. According to one of them, whoever steps first onto the registry office carpet will be the big cheese of the household. Some also believe in a similar tradition in respect to a couple stepping into their new home, however, a conflicting tradition is the one whereby the groom carries his bride over the threshold of the house thus introducing her to her new home.
There is a number of wedding traditions in Russia concerning footwear. It’s considered to be a case of extremely bad luck if the bride suffers a ‘wardrobe malfunction’ with her footwear such as a broken heel or scuffed shoe. Both the bride and groom sometimes put money in their shoes as a symbol of their hopeful wealth. It’s considered good luck for a bride to wear a coin under her left heel during her wedding ceremony.
In less enlightened times, the main job of a wife would be to serve her husband. Gradually this became part of the actual ceremony where a bride would be tested to make sure that she could identify her husband’s favorite foods and confirm the answers with the groom’s mother. If the bride passed the test, she would be presented with a recipe book as a show of respect from her new mother in law. The bride would even be required to showcase her new domestic skills by bringing water to her new in-laws and then helping them to wash and dress on the first day of the marriage.
Similar to a Jewish tradition, often, a Russian wedding ceremony will involve the couple each being given a glass by the parents. The newlyweds are then supposed to smash those glasses into many tiny fragments. According to a common belief, the more there are glass pieces on the ground the happier the marriage will be.
Once the Russian newlyweds have made it through the official ceremony, it’s time to celebrate their marriage with their guests. This will involve food (known as the wedding breakfast as it’s the couple’s first meal as husband and wife), beverages and games such as dressing a dolly and playing a game whereby a fake couple is introduced and the newlyweds are tasked with finding the real couple.
A unique part of most Russian weddings comes just after the ceremony when the couple, often accompanied by some of their bridal party, will tour the neighborhood or surrounding area taking photographs next to local landmarks and paying their respects at a local war memorial. This activity is fairly time consuming and so is often the last part of the celebrations for many guests. For this part of the proceedings, the best man or maid of honor will often arrange for cars or limousines to be available for the tour. During this time, guests will take advantage of the opportunity to freshen up — or to sample more of the delicious food and drinks on offer.
During the photographic drive around the area, it’s common for newlyweds to attach locks to a local bridge as a symbol of their long-lasting union. This is a very popular thing to do, and it has been seen in cities around the world including Paris and London as well as in Russia. Some local authorities provide ‘trees of love’ for the padlocks to be attached to in order to prevent damage to the actual bridge.
The symbol for peace and love, white doves are often released during a wedding ceremony by the happy couple. This is a beautiful sight and a meaningful gesture.
On leaving ZAGS, the couple’s guests sometimes shower them with confetti (or rice) candy, flower petals and cash (and, in some cases, live butterflies!). These are all symbolic gifts representing wealth, fidelity, and fertility and are thrown to wish the couple luck as they begin their new life together.
A toast is a congratulatory or celebratory word or phrase which is usually accompanied by the drinking of alcohol — traditionally champagne but many people prefer to substitute it with alternatives like vodka or whiskey. During the reception, somebody will propose a toast which is then echoed by the rest of the guests. A typical Russian toast, ‘Gorka!’, incites the happy couple to kiss, but there are many more including:
● To the happy couple!
● Ladies and gentlemen, to the groom and the bride!
● To the pretty bride!
● To the wonderful bridesmaids!
In Russia, there's a tradition to click glasses after a toast has been pronounced. This is a uniting and entertaining act.
In some regions of Russia, traditional wedding songs are sung either by professionals hired for the occasion or by guests themselves. These are generally Russian folk songs which have haunting melodies and meaningful lyrics. Russia has a long and rich history of beautiful folk songs, but many of them have long since been forgotten. During a modern wedding ceremony, many couples choose to have a mixture of traditional folk songs and more up-to-date pop songs.
Another fun tradition during the ceremony is when the bridegroom is tasked to tie a knot in a tea-towel. He’d better have been working out as the strength of the knot shows how strong his love for his wife is. He also needs to be good at problem-solving as he must then untie the knot to show his skill at solving future problems within this new family.
Thankfully, modern-day Russia is a little more enlightened these days and proof of this is a particular game whereby the couple divvies up household tasks. To play this game, the bride and groom take turns in removing household items from a sack without looking. The sack will contain items such as pans, toilet brushes, gardening tools, etc. According to the game’s rules, whoever picks a particular tool is then responsible for that task at home.
For many Russian couples, the marriage is a prelude to beginning a family, which is why many Russian wedding traditions are connected with the idea of having children. A popular game is one where the couple is invited to try to predict the gender of their first child. Using a glue stick, circles of pink and blue paper, and a big drawing of an infant in diapers wearing a bow, the blindfolded couple will attempt to attach the circles of paper to the baby’s bow. Once they have finished, the circles that were successfully attached are counted. If there are more pink circles, the child will be a girl or a boy if most of the circles are blue.
Styles of weddings in Russia and the traditions used may change but one thing that will always remain is that a wedding will always have proud parents in attendance. The wedding of a child is a big deal, and most newlyweds are keen to honor their parents on this day.
As well as presenting flowers to the mothers of the bride and groom, a variation of the above game can be played by the couple’s parents in order to determine the gender of their first grandchild.
If you’re lucky enough to be invited to a wedding in Russia, you will most likely at some point hear a cry ‘Gorka!’. Translated roughly as ‘the alcohol is bitter’ this is also a toast. When this toast is made, the married couple will then kiss for as long as possible while their guests time them.
Anyone for a Top-Up?
A popular wedding game is the one where one female and one male guest are chosen from the congregation. The woman is given an empty glass which she holds tightly between her knees. The man is given a bottle of water, and his task is to walk toward the woman and to fill her glass without spilling any of the water. If the two participants don’t know each other prior to the game, there’s a good chance that they will afterward!
You would assume that a couple who have decided to marry will pretty much know each other inside out. This game sets out to find out if that’s true. During this game, the bride is blindfolded before a number of men, including the groom, come forward to kiss her hand. The bride must then identify her groom just by his kiss.
A similar game is where the bride and several female guests kiss a napkin in order to leave lipstick marks. The groom must then identify which lipstick mark belongs to his new wife. If he is unable to do so, he must pay a ransom or complete a forfeit.
Hopefully, the groom will be keeping a close eye on his bride at all times — if not, he may find that she’s stolen away from him — but, thankfully, only in fun! Currently, it is still a common tradition in some Russian regions when a bride’s family pays a dowry in order for their daughter to get married. During this game, the bride’s friends or family will steal her away while the groom’s not looking and hide her somewhere within the venue. The groom will then be set a series of challenges in order to try to retrieve his new wife. If he fails to complete a challenge or pass a test, he will be made to pay a ‘ransom’ which can be candy, flowers, a favor, or even cash before he can reclaim his bride.
There is a number of different variations of the game one of which involves dressing up a male guest as a bride and refusing to hand over the real one until payment has been made. Other versions of the ransom quest include dressing up a male relative of the bride in wedding attire.
This may sound like some pub name, but we are, in fact, talking about two more Russian wedding traditions. The first is the throwing of the bouquet. A long-standing tradition where the bride turns her back to her guests and then throws her bouquet over her shoulder. Tradition has it that whichever lady catches the bouquet will be the next to marry. In some regions, a variation of this is performed whereby the bride is blindfolded and performs a Russian dance in order to choose the recipient of the bouquet. The second tradition involves the bride’s garter. A garter is an elasticated undergarment which is worn on the thigh in order to stop stockings from falling down. Many brides choose to wear the traditional garter on their wedding day, and after the ceremony, she may remove it and throw it to the male guests to see which of them will be the next to marry.
One extremely important wedding tradition in Russia is the anniversary celebration. Every year, on the date of their wedding, a couple will celebrate their wedding anniversary. Each year of a marriage has a significance and involves the name of an item. For example, the first wedding anniversary is the Calico wedding, ten years is tin, and 50 years is golden. Many couples choose to present each other with gifts made from the item in the name each year and will often celebrate with cards, flowers, and an evening out. And woe betide the husband who forgets the anniversary!
This is one of the most ancient and celebrated traditions of Russia, which is known worldwide. Marriage is a union of two people who have chosen to build a life and a family together. In the traditional wedding vows, couples promise to love and take care of one another for richer or poorer and in sickness and in health. Although styles of a wedding may change, these vows still signify an important and lifelong commitment.