You spend the whole day with your lover and feel like you are over the moon. But the next day he does not answer your calls and you stay alone with anxiety, anger, despair. I've had a similar experience in my last relationships, so I know for sure what it is and how it feels. So is it an addiction? Let's check it out!

The development of emotional addiction is like falling into a black hole: it seems to you that everything is in order, that your life has remained the same, but you do not notice the moment when everything changes. Your life is filled with anxiety, irritation, painful fantasies. Your world is distorted, and the interests of your partner are more important than yours. If the partner is prone to manipulation and psychological vampirism, such a relationship can turn into catastrophe.

You feel like you can't live without him:
Addiction is the need for someone who we believe can fill the empty space in our lives. When you feel lonely and can only rely on yourself, someone will come and give you a "life line" - someone who can listen to you, help, the person you can trust fully. But love is not a need. A healthy mutual feeling can be possible only between independent people.

A person who is prone to addiction does not have a clear identification and personal boundaries: "I am myself" Instead, he thinks "I don't know who I am." His personality gets confused with the personalities of those with whom he communicates. As a result, such a person becomes obsessed with the object of his, as it seems to him, immeasurable love. This behavior is fueled by the illusion, "The closer I am to you, the clearer my identity." Having firmly tied his "I" to the personality of another, the dependent person loses free will and the ability to exist separately.

You want everything from him at once
It seems to us that the object of our interest should embody everything that we expect from it. We load him with the whole burden of our ideas about the ideal. These may be mutually exclusive requirements: for example, it is important for us that the other understands us perfectly and respects our desires, but at the same time can make all important decisions for us. Sooner or later, such an attitude will lead to disappointment and the desire to "correct" reality.

In any healthy relationship, there is always a period of idealization. But when it passes, love remains. As the relationship develops, the trust between partners grows, they become closer. Instead of trying to remake a partner, if he in some way does not satisfy our ideas about him, we accept him. Healthy and dependent relationships take different directions. In a dependent relationship, we believe that "magic", "chemistry" will do the main job. In healthy people, we constantly work, learn and get to know our partner. And our love grows through trials.
You only want it to belong to you
Addicted relationships are often filled with jealousy. It arises from insecurity and sometimes reaches the dimensions of clinical paranoia. The addicted person thoroughly studies the pages of his beloved on social networks, analyzes his every word and look, and may even arrange for him to be followed. And this despite the fact that he may not even be aware of this and not consider the relationship serious.

Being close means full trust. Of course, even a good relationship is not free from doubt. But a trusting person first believes and only then suspects. He calmly accepts the fact that his partner is in contact with many different people, among whom there are also very attractive personalities. If you need undivided control over your lover, this is a sign that you have become addicted and are afraid to break it.

It seems to you that there is a mysterious connection between you.

Others may believe that you have nothing in common, that your relationship is continuous quarrels and resentments. But you refuse to believe: it seems to you that he is the only one who can understand you. This is the work of our unconscious. It pushes us towards those in whom we see a reflection of our unconscious ideas about ourselves. If you are stressed and vulnerable, if you subconsciously feel that you need help, you will attract people who are experiencing the same. You will not be aware of the dangers because the situation itself will seem familiar to you. But this feeling is deceiving: such a relationship will only fuel your vulnerabilities and enhance neurotic traits.

I hope this blog helped you to understand your emotions and feelings better. You should remember to balance everything to live happy and active live)