"He loves a woman, and will love a child." I very often hear this saying when talking about children that a man receives with his beloved woman.

Does love for a woman give a man an automatic opportunity to feel sympathy for her child?

As I have to observe, it does not. Very many men do not at all experience enthusiastic feelings in relation to the children of their woman from previous relationships.

And is it only "fault" here of this particular man?

As life shows, men love even their own children not so much for the call of blood, but for specific personality traits. If the father does not like the personality of the child for some reason, then often love and strong affection for the child from the father is also not observed. And if in a situation of biological paternity, the father can be asked - where is his own contribution to the personality of his child, so that she delights him? In the case of an adopted child, such questions are no longer relevant.

Here the man sees this child only for the first time and simply observes ... He is observing - what kind of personality is in front of him?


If you follow the conviction “loves a woman, will love a child”, then it is legitimate to ask a question - does a child have the same character traits as this man's beloved? Most probably not. The child has its own set of qualities. Then, where does such an everyday fantasy on the theme of all-consuming love from a man come from? This everyday fantasy has its roots in the belief that they love for nothing.




My friends, there is a confusion of terms in this fantasy. This sexual feeling is experienced just like that, simply because it is there. And once a suitable object has come into view, it means that the sexual feeling will leap up, by itself, regardless of what character traits this sexual object is endowed with. The object should only be necessarily endowed with suitable gender characteristics. Sometimes the symptoms are so luxurious or the emotional diet has been so long that the feeling is overwhelming.

They say - love has come ...

Alas ... only sexual attraction descends, which may well be transformed into falling in love. And it lasts for a while. Sometimes it’s enough to make people want to unite in a family. In which sometimes they come with a woman and her children. But, thank God, the man has no sexual feeling towards them.

It is necessary for love to appear. But it does not arise out of nowhere. People create love by their own efforts: at the expense of their own qualities and the qualities of the opposite side. Your man's love for your child must also be created.

In this matter, it would be good for a man to help.

How? Sit down and discuss - how does he represent his relationship with the child? What responsibilities will he undertake in relation to the child that will help him to establish contact with him faster and better? At the same time, talk about whether there is something that causes stress in your man when communicating with a child and, in general, what he would like to instill in a child, what he would like to pay attention to when raising? And decide for yourself - will you, as a mother, be ready to invest in this, will you be ready to support your beloved man in his educational preferences?

And also, the mother will need to talk to the child - what responsibilities does he take on so that the person with whom they become one family is comfortable and cozy? (it is clear that I am talking about a child over five or six years old).

In order for this story to have a happy ending, it is necessary that people who decide to unite in a family, in principle, know how to love. They would be able to see the dignity in another person, would be able to appeal to his best sides, would be able to do so that the person next to them would feel smarter, kinder and more beautiful. They would be able to cut their desires for the sake of the desires of others. They would be able to negotiate.

All these skills must be taught to the little man, as well as, all these skills must be found in a man with whom a woman wants to start a family, not to mention the fact that a woman must have them herself. Otherwise, it is groundless to hope for love, which will inadvertently descend upon this family. I repeat, a sexual feeling suddenly appears. For a short while. And it does not apply to children.

No matter how hard it will be for a mother to hear - her child will not be allowed into her soul for no reason and will make demands, like any other person, they will look and look: what is he like? with what character? is he obedient? sociable? friendly? is he well brought up? etc. They will look and decide: I want to love this little man? And they may well decide that I don’t want to. Someone due to the fact that in general, there is no ability to love. There is only the ability to experience sexual feelings. And here already, mummies, look who you choose as life companions. And someone (with an average ability to love) will not fall in love, simply because he will not at all like a poorly brought up man. It is advisable for mothers to remember this and bring up their child so that people like him. To understand whether strangers like or dislike your child, you just need to set a goal and get feedback on your child. And the sooner you do it, the better. We have too many illusions about our own children. These illusions greatly interfere with the creation of new relationships, new marriage.

I can say that I have repeatedly observed when a quite decent man did not dare to have an alliance with a woman who had a poorly brought up child. Simply because it was important for him that his woman would be able to raise his future children.

Hence, the presence of a child in a woman can be both a big plus in a man's desire to connect his fate with this woman, when the child is well brought up and the man understands what their joint children will be, and a huge minus, when very little time was devoted to raising a child, they were engaged in only care, shine in clothes and hair.

Roll up your sleeves, dear mothers. Yes, you have a double burden - not only you should love you, but also your children. To love, looking at them, with a sober look. Not ours, motherly, when we love our "dolls" by anyone up to fifty years old. But, if we love them, we must understand that we are obliged to make their lives easier by raising them as beautiful people, to whom many and many will be drawn in soul, because we will teach them to be warm, light, attentive, hardworking, responsive!