How should a healthy discussion be in relationships? BÜLENT

Conflicts and arguments in romantic relationships are a part of life, as in many interpersonal relationships. It is quite natural for two people who share life and spend a lot of time together to have opposing views from time to time.

The reason for the difference of opinion can sometimes be simpler everyday issues or more fundamental issues. At the beginning of the factors that affect the dynamics of the relationship and the perspectives of the couples on their own relationship, how these discussions are resolved.

Having a disagreement and arguing with your partner may not indicate a big problem in your relationship. In fact, if the right communication channels are used while these discussions and disagreements are resolved, these discussions also contribute to the development of the relationship.

Discussions are beneficial on the one hand, as people with different opinions find a common path. For this reason, it is important to deal with conflicts in a constructive, not destructive way.

The point reached as a result of a discussion should be a point where there is a solution for both sides. On the other hand, arguments that start with seemingly minor reasons and turn into big fights are also experienced between couples. Discussions may turn into a struggle that must be won, not in the interests of both sides. In such cases, the conflicts in the relationship are not resolved and the relationship satisfaction of the couples may decrease. There may be various negativities, but the way it is expressed and resolved is as important as resolving the negativities or disagreements in the relationship. For this reason, the healthy progress of the discussions in the relationship is one of the most basic dynamics of the relationship.

The positive aspects of healthy ending discussions
When people who have a disagreement with their partner share the point that they think differently with their partner, the tension can be relieved.
Seeing the partner's effort to resolve the agreement strengthens the positive belief in the relationship.
A strong communicative discussion in front of children in the family can also help children develop their problem-solving skills.
The closeness of the person who sees a collaborative approach by his partner may increase.
How to have healthy discussions in relationships?
Couples try not to blame each other.
The fact that couples blame each other during the discussion may shift the axis of the discussion and cause the person to make a statement about the accused. Some discussions that started with a small reason can turn into big tantrums with accusations. In order not to change the axis of the discussion and turn into a complaint session, healthy arguing couples take care to stay away from accusations. They aim to achieve a result that will make both parties happy, not blame.

They do not generalize and focus on the discussed point.
Making negative generalizations about your partner during an argument will cause your partner to become defensive. In addition, you underline that the problem is general rather than the solution to the problem. With such negative generalizations, ignoring your partner's positive behaviors will also negatively affect their motivation to continue their positive behaviors. Instead of negative generalizations, you can talk about the positive feelings they have left by exemplifying positive memories where there is no problem and the issue you discussed has not been experienced.

They do not make condescending comments about their partner's personality traits.
The discussion may be related to a personality trait of one of the partners. Even if there are such situations, highlighting the negative side of your partner's personality, regardless of the target subject of the discussion, makes the discussion not solution-oriented.

For example, one of the couples states that their spouse does not help them enough with housework. When the other party, who finds his wife too sensitive about cleanliness, gives an answer such as "you are obsessed", the violence of the discussion will increase and the framework will be changed. Here, he will invite the other side to defend himself. In a more constructive way, the person should underline his own discomfort. They express their own feelings and thoughts without blaming their partner. They avoid contempt, disparaging words, and nonverbal but negative messages such as shrug, nod, or sarcastic laughter.

They pay attention to 'how' they speak
A raising of the tone may convey the message that we are angry and ready to fight. In healthy discussions, couples control their tone of voice and communicate in a measured tone, away from shouting. How the discussion is conducted also affects the intensity and process of the discussion.
They do not disperse into previous topics
Without straying from the topic of discussion, examining the subject of disagreement in depth does not shift the focus of the discussion. Couples aiming at the functional progress of the discussion try to stay on the axis of the main topic being discussed. It helps people stay in the moment of discussion and understand each other better. The discussion that starts with any topic makes it difficult to resolve the discussion when both parties start to talk about the many complaints they have had before or throughout the relationship.

This makes it difficult to fully understand and resolve the issue of discussion. Just as it is beneficial to go step by step when dealing with the problems we experience in our personal lives, this is also true in relationships. Dragging more than one subject into a single discussion may negatively affect the trust belief and relationship satisfaction of couples in their relationships.

They care not only to listen, but also to understand very well.
Couples who have healthy discussions listen actively to their partner's speech, not as if they are waiting for their turn to speak. Making sure that partners are actively listening reinforces the idea that what they say is valuable to the other party. From time to time, partners may reflect on what they are saying to check or make sure they understand correctly. That is, he may ask the speaker who is expressing himself to confirm what he has said by summarizing in his own words and in a way he understands.

Otherwise, splitting the partner is both a situation that increases the tension during the discussion and you violate your partner's space for self-expression. From time to time, couples may choose not to listen by anticipating what their partner will say because they have discussed the same topic before. Even if it is the same topic and the same comment, if your partner wants to repeat it, it means they need it. Making sure that he pays attention to it, even with repetitive topics and statements, will ensure that the discussion progresses more healthily.

They can pause the discussion.
They are aware of situations where the discussion is getting bigger and moving in a negative direction. They are aware that the discussion is progressing heatedly and that negative behaviors and words are being used, and they can take a break from the discussion to breathe and calm down. The important thing is to return to the topic under discussion. A joint time can be set where you will continue the discussion so that both parties do not feel uncertainty. It is important to take a break from the discussion at the point where the discussion heats up and escalates, but it is necessary to act jointly so that one of the partners does not think that the problem has been covered up.

If they are a couple with children, they know that they are an example to their children in every discussion.
While children gain problem-solving skills, they imitate their parents' behavior patterns. For this reason, how the parents behave in the face of conflict forms the basis of the path that the child will follow in the conflicts he or she will encounter. They know that parents with healthy communication skills and problem-solving skills will set a better example for their children.

As a result, conflicts are resolved in a healthy way if both parties feel heard and understood, if couples try to discuss and resolve issues respectfully.
I WILL ALWAYS MAKE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE GIRL ON THIS SITE, BECAUSE I KNOW LISTENING AND FIND SOLUTIONS TO PROBLEMS. BULENT