And I believed, believed that something was wrong with me. As if there is some kind of ephemeral future, where everything will be different, where you will be the best version of yourself and there everything will sparkle with different colors. It's so corny sad, but as it is.

Once I went to a psychologist and at the first session said: it seems to me that all my problems are because I do not accept myself. I am always in second position and I do not feel beautiful enough. It seems to me that this is all due to excess weight, which gradually, but surely, in 5 years made me different. I convince myself that I can begin to “live” like a girl only when I have an ideal figure according to my version.

Yes, I know that I am an interesting person, a great professional in my field and I am sincerely proud of myself, but I absolutely do not see the second part - a woman. She is lost somewhere and shows no signs of life.

And it's very difficult for me, I started so many times, so many times I didn't succeed and I just resigned myself. I resigned myself to being the ugliest, because I always knew that although I was not the most beautiful, I was cool. And it was my dummy, which calmed me down.

You could say that they say why bother, just start playing sports and eating right, but everything was much more complicated. I went in for sports, studied with a top CIS nutritionist, went through marathons and even created them, led fitness projects on fitness and understood nutrition, but everything was in vain. It's like shooting blanks. But now I love myself for who I am and this gave me the strength to believe in myself