When men talk about women, the topic of tenderness is very rare. And in general, this word does not often sound in the psychological space, although this is one of the most complete and vivid experiences that we can experience for another person.

Tenderness is the threshold of love and at the same time a very important component of it.

Having tried to define in words what tenderness is, I ran into a difficulty - the definition stubbornly escaped and did not want to clothe itself in words and formulations, all the time turning into experiences and feelings.
Tenderness is the desire to hug, the ability to feel the breath and heartbeat of a loved one. Look directly into the eyes and not at all burdened by this long contact of gazes. It is a warm, velvety feeling of quiet joy that floods the chest, slightly squeezing the breath and forcing you to breathe deeper.

This is openness - in tenderness, a person shines from within, there is no usual defensive-alert tension in the body. Hence - sensitivity to the slightest movement of the body, light stroking, trembling.

Tenderness is an experience of the fragility and vulnerability of another, a respectful attitude towards him. Tenderness requires gentleness, but it is not synonymous with weakness.

Why is it difficult for men to show tenderness?

Tenderness is a stumbling block for many men. This feeling is rejected by them, because it is impossible without vulnerability and abandonment of the role-playing game in which the man is a stone wall, a confident pillar who does not care about "all this nonsense."

The tenderness in which you try to keep yourself as "solid" turns into a patronizing attitude - this is what men usually transform tenderness into. But in tenderness it is impossible to be a firm support, support through tenderness is a soft pillow under your head, not a hard flooring.

The place of denied and repressed tenderness for a woman is filled with sexual arousal, lust as the only strong experience directed at a woman.

However, if in tenderness the other person is experienced as a significant subject, then in excitement, objectification occurs, the transformation of the other into a significant object, a thing.

A flashing passion for an unfamiliar woman objectifies her, she wants to be possessed, and in the mind of the "thirsty" she differs little from a thing.