1️⃣Step one: acknowledge your past
Grajkowski explains that the trauma a person receives after infidelity can bring back to life the emotions they experienced in the past. If you've been cheated on before, or been in an abusive or abusive relationship, this can affect how you perceive infidelity and the pain it causes. It is important to consider all this in order to understand what problems may arise in the course of healing.
Dating and relationship expert Cheryl Muir explains that identifying the source of resentment can sometimes be tricky, as cheating affects trust and self-esteem at the same time. “If they are already on shaky ground, then infidelity can trigger an emotional avalanche,” she says. “It is very difficult to navigate in a muddy pool of pain and shame.” But it is important not to push feelings aside - this is the only way to deal with them.

2️⃣Step two: process emotions
Muir says the healthiest way to get over infidelity is to work through all of your emotions. “You have to give yourself time to feel and label them,” she explains. It will sound like this: "I'm sad", "I feel betrayed and angry", "It's hard for me to trust this person." When we encounter emotions, we go through them, just as, for example, we go through the process of mourning.

3️⃣Step three: avoid self-flagellation
Everything is simple and clear here: if you have been cheated on, it is not your fault. No, it's not that you got better, too busy with a career or a child. “In all the years of my work, I have not met a single person who would have cheated and was not 100% to blame for this,” says Dr. Manley.

This does not mean that there were no other problems in the relationship that both parties could contribute to. But the responsibility for infidelity lies solely with the one who decided to go left.

So don't blame yourself: if you get stuck in a cycle of self-blame, you won't be able to get to the root of the pain and truly heal from it. And even more so, don’t let other people shame you: boldly ask everyone who starts to hint that you should be more attentive to your husband, go to a cook’s course, lose ten kilograms or get rid of facial wrinkles.

(continued in the next part)