Time, place, circumstance...

A lot depends on the age of the child and the circumstances under which he learned about the discord in the family. It’s one thing when you and your partner made a joint decision to break up (and began to systematically build your personal life separately from each other) and a completely different story when the news of your wife/husband’s infidelity was an unexpected blow for you as well.

In the first case, it is desirable to prepare the child for the upcoming changes in family life. You can explain to children in a form that is accessible to them that yes, dad and mom decided to leave, but for children they will forever remain parents, no matter what happens. The child needs to know that parental love will not diminish, and, most importantly, he should not feel guilty about the parents' divorce. In addition, the child needs to feel that no one is going to compete with his birth parents. If a divorce from your wife / husband is your conscious step and each of you already has another close person, it may be time to introduce him to the child. Only it is worth doing it unobtrusively and carefully - only when you yourself are sure of the seriousness of the intentions of your chosen one. There are situations when children happily begin to be friends with the new family of their mother and / or father. Therefore, the main task of adults is to help the child adapt as comfortably as possible to the new conditions of family life, while maintaining his peace of mind.

Suppose that the child himself found out about the betrayal of one of the parents. If he told you about it - and you were aware of what was happening - calmly tell the child: “Yes, this fact is the place to be. Dad and I have a little problem, and we will definitely do our best to solve it soon. We still love you, and we really don't want you to worry about us." Talk to the child, listen to what he thinks about this, let him talk and try to calm him down. But this is possible only if you yourself radiate calmness. If the news about adultery shocked you, you can honestly say that you don’t know anything about it, but “whatever happens, your dad / your mom and I will find a way out of any situation.” Do not focus on the fact that dad or mom is a traitor! Do not give in to emotions, especially until you yourself are sure of the veracity of the information received (it is likely that the child could have imagined or someone told him about it). Keep in mind that the child is worried about each of the parents and it is likely that he will try to do everything so that the family does not break up. When adults come into conflict on the basis of infidelity, the child often begins to associate himself with the injured party and feels as if he was personally betrayed. Many children begin to take on the function of one of the parents. But for a child, this is an overwhelming psychological burden, so be extremely attentive to his experiences, but do not devote personal or intimate details of your conflict with your wife or husband.