🤍 Be sensitive to your child's feelings

The natural sensitivity of children makes them very vulnerable to the emotional state of their mother and father. Even babies, reading the mood of both parents, may become restless, nervous, may cry more often. Internal discord is also characteristic of older children, since they already consciously feel that a change in intra-family roles is taking place in the family. All these worries are understandable: any child in such a difficult situation, regardless of age, is afraid of becoming unnecessary and a stranger to the family, and worries that he will be less loved. At a certain point, children may even rebel against both parents, drawing attention to themselves. This is how children cope with stress and all the storm of feelings, adequately reacting in their own way to an inadequate situation. For parents, this is a sign that at the moment the leading need of the child is the need for attention.

It is very important to maintain a close connection with the child during a family crisis, but do not make the mistake of turning your son/daughter into your ally against the “enemy parent”. Your relationship with your spouse is your relationship, forget to even think about using your child to solve your personal problems. Do not discuss with the child the “bad” traits of the father / mother, do not resort to the help of the child as a “scout”, “detective”, “transmitter of information”, etc. Do not create barriers to communication with older relatives from the former spouse / ex-wife. Here we are talking about grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins ​​and second cousins ​​/ brothers, etc. The child must feel the love and care of the family, just as it was before the conflict. Ask relatives to be extremely delicate, intentionally not to start a conversation about the situation that has happened, but if the child himself starts a conversation or asks abstract questions about cheating, talk to him openly and confidently. In order to express your feelings in such a conversation, it is important to try on the situation for yourself and answer the question: “If I were a child and found myself in such a situation, what would I want to hear?” and the right words will come. Do not denigrate in the eyes of the child a new person next to the father / mother, even if the child himself starts a conversation about this. It is worth knowing that sometimes children are able to use their parents' divorce to their advantage, skillfully manipulating adults, so be careful not only about “what”, but also “how” you say to the other parent. Do not deprive children of communication with the "guilty" party - respect their right to communicate with dad / mom. Keep the old way of life and take care of the emotional ties of the child, especially in the event that you have not made the final decision to leave your wife / husband.