It's very difficult to build healthy relationships with other people if there is no mutual understanding and harmony with oneself. Any relationship with the outside world reflects our inner state. It is we who set boundaries and frames with others, we show how we can be treated, and how not. To do this, you need to know yourself very well.

The next question to ask yourself is: why do I need this relationship? If you are unhappy and waiting for the prince to arrive on a white horse, throw the whole world at his feet and give happiness, then this is unlikely to ever happen. Happiness comes from within. Readiness for a relationship is determined by the internal state when you first want to give, and then get something in return. It is quite difficult to give happiness if it is not there. Relationships are unhealthy when the whole world and happiness for you is another person. Healthy relationships are freedom. When people may well live without each other, but they are together, because both sincerely want it. If you are looking for happiness in another, then you may simply not find it. Then there will be a period of mental suffering, crises, depressions. Before you start building a serious relationship, you need to establish contact with yourself.

The third important question should be the following: what kind of person do I want to see next to me? You can take a piece of paper with a pen and describe in as much detail as possible the qualities that the chosen one should have. Such a clear understanding will help protect you from not taking everything in a row, just not to be left alone. Self-respect should always come first. Don't get hung up on one person who doesn't give you what you want. There are millions of people in the world who exactly fit your description of the ideal partner. But do not forget that too categorical list of qualities can lead to narrow thinking. If you look for a person who will fit in all twenty parameters, then you can miss something really significant in life. Let this be a kind of guide for you, but not an instruction.

What is an unhealthy relationship?

Sometimes it can be hard to tell a healthy relationship from an unhealthy one. To understand this difficult issue, we present several criteria that psychologists distinguish.

1. You don't get pleasure, joy, happiness. If you systematically feel bad next to a person, then something happens that does not suit you. The choice is yours: endure, work on relationships, or make a difficult decision and leave. But sometimes it's by breaking up a relationship that you give yourself and your partner the chance to find someone you're truly happy with.

2. They constantly want to change you. Sometimes a person may not even be satisfied with the way you eat, dress, talk. If you are constantly bombarded with moralizing and pressured, then these relationships are not out of freedom and acceptance, but out of a desire to raise yourself an ideal doll. When you met, you looked with your eyes at the other, thought and evaluated. Something hooked you in a person, you liked him exactly the way he was. If you break your partner every day, then this will no longer be the person who initially attracted you.

3. Total control and causeless jealousy. The desire to control everything is shown by insecure people. Initially, jealousy may seem cute, but over time it leads to scandals, tantrums, and a host of other negative consequences. If a person does not trust you, then he does not trust himself. We see in others only what we have in ourselves.

4. You are being ignored or refused to talk. Any conflict can be resolved with a frank conversation. But not everyone can talk openly and confidentially. The more you avoid communication, the further you become from each other. A person who cannot hear and accept the opinion of another cannot build a strong relationship.

5. Insults and assault. Long gone are the days when they said that he beats means he loves. If a partner allows himself to say hurtful words, and even more so to raise his hand, then this is not just a bell of an unhealthy relationship, this is a whole siren. Having seen such an attitude towards yourself at least once, it is better to get away from such a person as far as possible. Any violence, moral or physical, does not carry absolutely any positive and does not leave a chance for the future of such relationships.

How to create healthy relationships

1. Be confident: in yourself, your feelings and your partner. Strong relationships cannot exist without trust. It's not just about the lack of secrets from each other, but also about making decisions together, advice and personal space. Constant control of the partner's social networks hardly speaks of trust, as well as the inability to spend time separately from each other.

2. You must have similar worldviews. It is not necessary to be the same in everything, but the views on building a family and the future should be similar. It is difficult to start a family with a person who does not want children if you want them in turn. The coincidence of ambitions, desires and goals is the key to a strong and serious relationship.

3. Take care. Love is manifested in small things: to make a cup of delicious coffee, to cover with a blanket, to take an interest in the mood. Caring can be different, but it should be present in a relationship every day. By caring, you show a person his significance and importance in your life. In response, he wants to give heat in three times. But before you demand, you need to learn to give.

4. Be able to speak frankly about what does not suit you. This can apply to any area: life, character, attitude towards you, sex. As long as you carry negativity in yourself and do not tell your partner about your feelings, then nothing will change, because he simply does not know about the problem. You, in turn, will accumulate more and more negativity, which can then violently break out at the most inopportune moment due to some little thing. Problems need to be solved as they come up through constructive dialogue, not claims.

5. Unconditional acceptance also plays a big role. All people have a past and flaws. No need to try to idealize a partner and not notice his negative qualities, you just need to accept and love them. If you love a person, then you accept him completely, and not just what you want. The same goes for the partner's past experience. It is important to understand that before he could behave differently, communicate with people that you do not like. Jealousy of the past will not bring anything good. You are two completely different universes that have met to create a completely new world. And past experience can help each of you not to make old mistakes, but to live happily.

6. You support your significant other. Support is extremely important in a relationship. A person needs to understand that he will come home, and there he will always be understood and not judged, a cozy and comfortable atmosphere has been created there. Faith in each other can help to get closer and achieve goals together. It is incredibly important to feel a reliable shoulder nearby when you lose faith in yourself, but there is a person who can support and inspire. Everyone has problems, but the two of them are always easier to solve.

7. You accept responsibility for yourself and for your partner. A serious relationship is not the responsibility of just one person. In a couple, two are responsible for happiness. If one loves, and the second allows himself to be loved, then happiness and understanding cannot always be found in such a relationship. Both must go towards each other, find compromises and be able to give in.

8. Respect and willingness to accept another's point of view is also a component of a strong relationship. You may not always agree with each other, you can argue and even swear. All this is normal if you respect your partner, are ready to listen to him and accept his opinion, even if it is radically different from yours. Respect excludes attempts to manipulate and lie. Understanding that there is a different view of the situation helps to accept a person with his inner world.

9. People in a couple should feel physically and emotionally safe. When people can relax, not wait for a trick, a blow, or being forced to do something, then we can talk about security in a relationship. It is generally accepted that this feeling is more attributed to women, but it is also extremely important for men to understand that they will not be abandoned, they are loved, understood and supported in everything.

10. Feelings are the most important thing in a romantic relationship. If there is no love, then all of the above points will not help create a healthy relationship. We have only one life, there will be no chance to return to the beginning. There is no point in wasting precious time on someone you don't love. Feelings are a very irrational concept that cannot be controlled. A person can be good in all respects, but love does not arise for him. Life with the unloved cannot bring happiness. And if two people have this feeling, then you can cope with any life obstacles.