Why are some couples happy and others not? It seems that it depends on life circumstances, the nature of partners, views on relationships and many other components. But in reality, the secret of a strong marriage lies in everyday little things.
Books, weekend seminars, and family psychotherapy do not guarantee 100 percent protection against relationship problems. However, the course of the relationship can be changed - for this it is enough to find out what distinguishes happy couples from unhappy ones. Small changes will eventually lead to noticeable results. The main thing is to support positive changes and not slip into old destructive patterns.
The formula for a happy relationship includes six elements.

1. Plans for the day
A happy couple tries to find out about their partner's plans before saying goodbye in the morning. Whether it's lunch with your best friend, a doctor's appointment, or a scheduled call to your parents. The goal is to ask questions and find out what is good and not so good for your partner on this day.

Time required: 10 minutes per week (2 minutes per day, 5 days per week).

2. Meeting after work
When you meet at the end of the day, hug and kiss your partner for at least six seconds. Psychology professor John Gottman calls it the kiss of opportunity. A six-second kiss is a ritual of union that makes you want to come home.

After the kiss, discuss how the day went. At this time, you will be able to show attention to each other and establish non-sexual intimacy. It will also help to learn about the problems that everyone faces outside of relationships.

Time required: 1 hour 40 minutes per week (20 minutes per day, 5 days per week).

3. Recognition and admiration
It is important to find ways to express your love for your partner. I suggest keeping a love journal to my clients. It helps to notice small pleasant acts and associate them with the qualities of a partner that you like.

First, your partner feels valued. Second, it encourages you to look for positive traits in a partner, rather than focusing on the negative. For example: "Thank you for helping to wash the dishes last night. You are so kind and considerate."

Time required: 35 minutes per week (5 minutes per day, 7 days per week).
4. Train
It is important to show physical attraction when you are together to maintain a connection with each other. Be sure to touch each other before falling asleep. A hug for a few minutes or a kiss at night is enough. Think of such moments as a way to release the stress that has accumulated during the day. Put into the kiss tenderness for your partner and willingness to forgive him if you are in an argument.

Time required: 35 minutes per week (5 minutes per day, 7 days per week).

5. Dating
It is important to allocate time just for the two of you - in a romantic and relaxed atmosphere. During the date, ask questions and focus on each other. Think about what you can ask, for example: "Where would you like to spend your vacation?", "How are you doing with your friends?".

Required time: 2 hours per week.

6. Discussion of problems
Research by John Gottman has shown that one hour a week spent discussing current relationship issues changes the way couples resolve conflicts. In my practice, I noticed that such conversations give partners the opportunity to express their fears and worries. Thanks to them, they feel that they are loved and listened to, and not rejected.

I suggest turning the conversation into a ritual and doing it every week at the same time. This time is sacred because it transforms relationships. However, it can be uncomfortable during the conversation. What shall I do? Start with what has improved in the relationship since the last meeting. Next, mark five positive things about your partner that you haven't talked about before. Now discuss the difficulties that arose in the relationship.

To make the dialogue more effective, take turns talking and listening. When you speak, be gentle so as not to offend your partner, and give examples. When listening, try to understand what is bothering the man, do not judge him. If you are overwhelmed with emotions, take a break for 20 minutes, then continue.

When both partners felt that they were heard and understood, it is possible to proceed to a constructive solution to the problem. At the end of the conversation, each partner should ask the other, "What can I do to make you feel loved this week?"

Required time: 1 hour per week.

Total: 6 hours
As you can see, it is not so much. If you sleep 8 hours a day, that's only 5% of your waking time. The costs seem insignificant, but they make a huge contribution to maintaining the relationship.