So, the first step to avoid resentment is the ability to be aware of your expectations, desires and needs, as well as to speak directly and openly about them to your partner.
A significant part of resentment in a relationship arises from the fact that:
- the partner did not know what was expected of him;
- the partner did not understand the importance of what was asked for;
- the partner did what was asked of him, but it turned out that in fact they expected something else from him.
In my practice, there have been several cases when girls told their loved ones that the stamp in the passport means nothing to them, and they do not believe in it, and then for many years accumulated resentment against men that they never made them an offer.
Another reason why people may not talk about their true desires is the fear of condemning their desires (women are often afraid to seem mercantile and selfish, men - sexually preoccupied and weak, sensitive). Especially often this fear manifests itself at the beginning of a relationship, when there is a strong desire to please a partner. At this stage, most people want to seem better than they are, and want to hide what they consider bad in themselves (for example, they hide some of their real desires and needs).
What to do? Increase your self-confidence, learn to love yourself and accept yourself as you are, declare your desires, reduce dependence on the opinions of other people. And also put your mental well-being first, so that the desire to remain true to yourself is higher than the desire to please someone else.