The values ​​must match. Figuratively speaking, if you think that children are the main thing in life, then he should think so too. Or you are childfree, and so is he. If freedom is an important condition for existence for you, then it is also for him. Core values ​​and attitudes must match. This is all the more important when people have a level above the average for the "market". Because in this case, violent intellectual clashes are inevitable. They tend to end in dark brown blood. Figuratively, of course.
📌 Your partner is your team. And you are his team. I once had a case, after which I said to my husband: you should always be on my side. Always, even if I'm wrong a hundred times. This is later, at home we will discuss everything and find out, we will quarrel a hundred times and make peace a hundred times. But other times, you're always on my side. And I'm on yours. For me, this is the most important thing in the world. It's about the shoulder, arm, breathing in rhythm, not left in danger or in trouble, the ability to laugh in one place, the ability to be there when you need it, and so on. I would generally put the team at the forefront.
📌 Butterflies in the stomach. You know, without butterflies there is no point at all. And this is not about sympathy and that a person likes. He should turn you on, make the blood run faster, excite, attract. Slightly crazy. Or not a little.
📌 Equivalence in partnership. This is when you are not in the main and not in the supporting roles. And it's not about "we do it together or we don't." It's about how valuable you are. And your partner too. And the solutions are common. And if they are accepted, then please do so. And about keeping agreements. And about each other's insurance in everyday life, because work, responsibility and fatigue. And that you can not devalue each other.
📌 Children. . Views on the upbringing of the child should coincide or be a compromise. Because when your man / partner thinks that sweets are normal, and you are categorically against it, if you are in favor of the child not cleaning up toys after themselves, you will gain more, and he is in favor of cleaning up toys, then murder cannot be avoided.
📌 The ability to regret, sympathize, empathize. Believe me, a very large number of people are completely devoid of this feeling. Empathy, yes. Condolences. Not only to each other, but also to the world around us. Kindness. Feedback on the problem, grief. openness. I think kind people are happier.
Tenderness, romance, the ability to surprise (in the good sense of the word), the ability to give gifts. This is a kind of fuel for relationships. This is bringing joy to our rather complicated life. In general, it is important for me that a person knows how to invent something, as a result of which a holiday succeeds.
📌 Relatives, parents, friends. We must learn to build equal and friendly relations. Not allowing anyone to climb into your family and your relationships. In addition to the psychotherapist. I don't like it when people don't keep in touch with their families. Except clinical cases, of course. There you need to cross out and do it consciously, articulating to yourself, first of all, the need for such a break. Relatives and friends are often a lifeline. This is a lot of common memories and common plans. These are noisy holidays. This is an opportunity to go to visit or build a delicious dinner - and invite them to your place. It is difficult if someone does not like someone and you have to make a choice. But everything needs to be said here. Necessarily. And make common, possibly compromise decisions.
📌 Conversations. We need to talk to each other. And learn to hear and listen to each other. And the phrase that "men should be laconic", "says little - does a lot" - nonsense. If you don’t talk, you don’t know how, you don’t want, you don’t consider it necessary. So, you will look for a place, time and a person with whom you will be able and want. It seems to me that in general a lot of problems (maybe even most) due to the fact that people do not talk to each other.