Yes, this is a kind of self-sacrifice. But do not confuse it with this: “I have suffered so much for him, I have laid all my life” - this is no longer love. It is important that this desire to give be mutual, and these are rare cases. Basically, relationships are formed not of attachment, but of dependence, it is called broken attachment. In such a relationship, one side is the exploiter, while the other is sacrificing itself. Then, indeed, the period of such “love” is, on average, three years, because the first impulse dries up, and the question arises before the couple: what is our relationship for? Everything that was possible - passion, experiments, intoxication with youth - was taken from them, and then it was uninteresting and incomprehensible. If a couple has already had a child, then often it becomes a kind of “glue”: “We will live for the sake of the child!”.
Immature relationships are found at every turn. One of the typical problems of girls is that they, as they believe, do not have enough attention: “We need more love!” They stick, bite into a partner, and this is a pathological problem that needs to be treated. Its roots are in projective identification. It is either positive or negative.
An intelligent and reasonable person comes to some company and by default assumes that everyone is about the same as him, that is, he raises others to his level. A person with a flaw sees this flaw in everyone - and, surprisingly, finds confirmation of this.
Everyone probably knows such people who suspect everyone of a certain negative trait, for example, they believe that everyone is lying. In order to get confirmation, they are willing to wait patiently - and yes, once a year they wait for their own and say: “Look! But you didn't believe! I was right!" And it doesn’t matter that a person stumbled once, and before that dozens and hundreds of times he behaved differently: “It’s all a screen!”.
Such border guard girls have a negative infantile experience that affects their subsequent life. In the first two years of their lives, their mother did not like them: she underfed, did not hug, abandoned them alone - and this remained in an infantile pattern that is reproduced further.
They constantly suspect dislike and arrange checks, and at the same time roll out a huge list of requirements. And it may not look like a requirement - but this is what should be provided by default. Each of their sneeze and momentary desire is important, and the affairs and problems of the partner turn out to be insignificant.
In particular, such patients do not take into account the personal time of a specialist, they are not interested in the fact that the time of communication is limited to the session time, writing in the middle of the night is the norm. They behave the same way with their partners.
This is just one of the common women's problems, in fact, there is a whole spectrum of them.


Men most often experience what is called infantile exploitation. This is especially common among those men who take care of themselves and like themselves, for example, bodybuilders. Usually there is a girl next to such a man. They meet, he keeps her on a short leash and does not marry - because everything suits him. He is infantile, cannot take responsibility to start a family. At the same time, she takes care of him, gives him sex, and he only consumes.
And the problem is that you can’t fix such a boy - they don’t go to therapy, they don’t have problems, the problem is with those who are nearby. And only their partners can change something for themselves.
If such a girl feels affection, as if stuck in a swamp, and a man only feeds with promises, then you need to understand for yourself: these relationships are pathological, toxic. He can even somehow be forced to marry, but this marriage will not last long. Often such inveterate bachelors live under the dictation of their mother. Relations with him are doomed.


What is love? This is a term that was invented by romantics and described in books. In the view of an ordinary person, this is some kind of romance, courtship, someone comes up with some criteria ... They do not exist. In fact, love is a set of attachments. It is formed in the infantile period, the first two years of life, and this is how it was formed, this is how we will build relationships with a partner.
What can be done to avoid at least the obvious problems? First, before you enter into a relationship, understand and honestly answer yourself the question, why do you need all this? And secondly, convey it to your partner. For example, if a relationship is needed for the sake of sex, then this should be immediately clear to both, otherwise guys often reassure with hints of affection, although they do not plan anything like that. In my opinion, the most correct approach to dating in Europe is to approach someone you like, get to know each other and state your goals. If everything suits everyone, then the couple goes and realizes these goals. If you get good sex, a warm attitude towards each other is formed, the couple understands that they are suitable for each other, then we can talk about an emerging affection. This is normal, it’s another matter that our population is not ready for this, in our country so far in many respects sex is the standard of righteousness, and this spoils everything. People enter into relationships, even get married, and then they have some kind of nonsense with sex. It is important to identify compatibility at this level, because sex is also the maximum intimacy with a partner.

Another important component of a mature relationship is the built boundaries. Let's remember what boundaries in relations the nobles had. Everyone has their own bedroom, the husband did not see how his wife puts herself in order, she did not see him, no one allowed themselves liberties, they kept their distance. And as with us: “Wife, go get a beer!”. We allow mutual disrespect, sit on the neck, “devour” the partner. You always need to remember about barriers, and agree on what is permissible on the shore.
It's great if it's customary in a couple to pronounce their desires, and not to hope that the partner will read the thoughts. This image is often cultivated in literature and at the same time gives rise to posts on social networks, where women are happy to list lists of what “a man should” - after all, first of all, he “should” anticipate desires.
It is important not only to share expectations, but also to say right away if you didn’t like something, it was unpleasant. If the partner does not take claims seriously, try to turn the situation around - give an example that you would do the same to him. If the partner is immature, then this is fraught with a dispute in the spirit of "a fool is a fool himself", it is important not to allow this, and how more mature to take responsibility for calm negotiations.


A civil marriage, when a couple lives together, manages the household, but does not sign, is not very good from the point of view that in such a situation the couple can hang for a long time. On the contrary, it is better when people live separately, but sometimes meet, get to know each other, then they understand how ready they are to become attached to each other, share responsibility, figure out if they fit into each other's relationship model. Another issue is that psychoanalysis does not say whether it is good or bad about some phenomena, it describes the process. And from this point of view, it is important to understand that the norms of morality and ethics have changed, ethics now allow both civil and guest marriages, and much more. The same goes for the gay community.
Gays in percentage terms have been the same number at all times. But people who are open to sexual experiments have really become more, because this is allowed by modern norms of morality.
The most important thing is that the relationship suits both, it doesn’t matter if it’s a guest marriage, civil or some other. Love is something that should bring pleasure, and if it suits two, any form of relationship has the right to exist. And love is also a big responsibility when you are ready to take on a burden, take a hit to protect a loved one from trouble. It may even be a certain kind of suffering, but in the end you get pleasure.