The signal meaning of shame is that you went beyond your boundaries and did something that did not correspond to your idea of ​​you. Shame is a landmark in our inner world.

Shame can also be experienced when we simply try something new that we have not done before in our lives. For example, a girl who used to hide her beauty decided to become more noticeable by wearing an attractive and seductive outfit. Going out to people, she may feel ashamed.

Toxic Shame and Imposter Syndrome
Toxic shame occurs frequently in children raised by judgmental and devaluing parents. You were born and you no longer live up to their expectations. “Why not five points? Why not first place? And it can be in any family. For example, a beauty may be ashamed of her appearance if it was customary in the family to be small and plump, like a mother. Hence the impostor syndrome—a lack of acceptance in childhood. A person does not believe in his successes and thinks that he will now be exposed.

Toxic shame is experienced by a person who had no place in the family as he is. Introvert parents have a noisy, active child. Or vice versa, active parents give birth to a calm or melancholy son. There is a mismatch with parental expectations and expectations put pressure, all this leads to shame. What is not supported by the parents is removed from the contact.

Dealing with toxic shame takes years. But it is very important that the therapist like the client, be accepted, trust and acceptance are necessary. Shame in therapy goes away through getting to know yourself.

bodily symptoms of shame

Shame is in psychology. The child has feelings, but the parents do not accept the form of his reaction: “boys do not cry”, “girls do not fight”. In this case, the mechanism works - the form changes to a neurotic one, and if the emotion cannot manifest itself in any way, then it remains in the body and becomes a bodily symptom. The body is the place of fixation of our shame.

(We protect ourselves with the body, for example, bad skin - so as not to communicate with people)

Shame has a social characteristic - to experience shame, you need the look of the Other (however, this may not be a real person, but, for example, the Inner Parent). By the way, shame is cured only in contact with another, a close person, a therapist.