There are several stages in the life of a married couple. Each of them is not only good in its own way, but also has its own difficulties and pitfalls. In the practice of a family psychotherapist, when working with couples or alone, quite often one has to deal with problems characteristic of a particular stage. Understanding the processes occurring within the family helps to understand why certain reactions occur, and, therefore, to cope with the difficulties that arise.

Stage 1 of premarital relations, a period of falling in love, euphoria, attraction, a period of "rose-colored glasses", when partners do not pay attention to the "roughness" of characters and each other's shortcomings. The duration is usually from several months to a year, after which the clarity of perception is gradually restored and, when accepting a partner, if during this time people have become really close, the next stage begins - marriage.

Stage 2 confrontation begins from the moment when the newlyweds begin to live together. The duration of this period can be very different and depends on many factors. At this stage, there is a clash of attitudes and internal values of the husband and wife, which they brought from their families of origin to their own. There are quarrels and conflicts due to conflicting ideas about different aspects of life. Plays a role and previous experience, and circle of friends, and education. At this stage, there is a rather high risk of a break in relations, but there are also pluses: the novelty of impressions from living together, activity and knowledge of each other in the intimate sphere, there is no domestic fatigue yet. Provided that compromises are found, the next stage of marriage begins.

The 3rd stage of compromises, it means the end of the period of confrontations, coming to a common opinion on many issues and the development of one's own values that are characteristic of a new family. The faster the spouses begin to accept and understand each other in the fullness of their advantages and disadvantages, the faster this stage comes. During this period, relationships are built on understanding and respect, become more solid and constructive. The construction of a “family nest” begins with its own tastes, customs, and traditions. This is the real formation of the family, strengthening its boundaries from external encroachments.

Stage 4 of a mature marital holon can last for many years. External influences, changes, troubles, do not have a significant impact on the basis and are experienced together, with the support of each other. This phase is characterized by the stability of the relationship.

Stage 5 can be called "the desire for independence." Experiments in this area begin in connection with the mid-life crisis. It can happen to one or both spouses. There is a desire to go beyond your life scenario. The feeling that something is missing makes you change jobs, family and even country. There may be a threat of rupture of relations. Most often, couples come to a family psychologist who, in this situation, realizing that there is a need for change, want to save the relationship. By taking timely measures and starting a dialogue with a partner, it is possible to overcome this crisis.

Stage 6 of the Renaissance is the pinnacle of the development of family relationships. If the family managed to survive the crisis, maintaining mutual respect, often the relationship between the spouses becomes even closer and more trusting than before.
At each of the stages of family formation, pregnancy is possible, and the reaction and readiness of partners for this event is very important here. The optimal condition for conceiving, bearing, giving birth and feeding a healthy child is the harmonious relationship of his parents: spouses love each other, family life is settled, serious contradictions are resolved, the desire to have a child is mutual. In this case, the joint chores that precede the beginning of the realization of the dream of a child make the spouses be more responsible and strengthen the relationship.

The experience of having a baby is unique to a family. Men react differently to the malaise and heightened sensitivity of their wife. Some dads get used to the state of their spouse so much that they themselves experience nausea, a change in appetite, while others, on the contrary, do not pay attention to the “quirks” of the expectant mother.

A few simple tips to help overcome difficulties:

Share your thoughts and feelings with each other. Joyful emotions will help your family to unite even more, and expressed negative feelings are the prevention of quarrels and conflicts. Unfortunately, it happens that, obeying stereotypes of behavior, a man does not want to see his wife's tears, and a woman does not dare to ask for support. An unspoken request can lead to resentment that will poison the wife's mood until the husband even knows the reason.
Do together what brings mutual pleasure, look for common ground in new circumstances. Sometimes for this you have to reduce or abandon activities that were previously familiar. It is important to understand that life will not be the same as before, but this does not mean that it will become worse. On the contrary, it will contain many new. reasons for happiness. You go further, there is a lot of interesting and exciting ahead, but different. Therefore, personal changes are so important, since the family is one system and any changes in it concern each member of the family. In case of unwillingness to accept a new system and the desire to adapt to it, the opportunity for the development of this system disappears, and where there is no development, quarrels and disagreements arise. It is difficult to overestimate the importance of the timely acceptance by both husband and wife of the new roles of father and mother.
Get as much information as possible from reliable sources. Refer to specialist books and videos for parents.
Be patient. With mutual support, you can easily cope with difficulties.
For Mom:

Pay attention to your husband. The period up to the third birthday of a child is quite difficult for men. Their frustration intensifies, attention shifts to the child. From now on, the attention of the wife belongs to two people and it is important to remember to maintain an emotional connection between husband and wife. The new roles of mother and father should not completely overshadow the roles of husband and wife. For the System to be stable, there must be a strong dyad (husband-wife), which is formed at the erotic and intellectual level, with the division of male and female functions and responsibilities. It takes effort to fall in love with each other throughout your life.
Family life is a constant negotiation. If these negotiations reach an impasse, then you need to turn to a “professional negotiator” - a family therapist.