1. Be realistic.

True love is not at all like romantic love, which makes us not notice the shortcomings of a partner. It's a choice. This is the constant support of another person, regardless of the circumstances. This is an understanding that your relationship will not always be cloudless. This is the need to deal with the problems of a partner, his fears and thoughts, even when you don’t feel like it at all. Such love is more prosaic, it requires much more effort from partners. But still, it gives a person much more. After all, in the end, it brings real happiness, and not another short-lived euphoria.

2. Respect each other.

This is the main thing in a relationship. Not attraction, not shared goals, not religion, not even love. There will be moments when you start to feel like you don't love each other at all anymore. But if you lose respect for your partner, you won't be able to get him back.

Communication, no matter how open and frequent it may be, in any case, someday will come to a standstill. Conflicts and insults cannot be avoided.

The only thing that will save your relationship is unwavering respect. Without it, you will always doubt each other's intentions, judge your partner's choices, and try to limit their independence.

In addition, you also need to respect yourself. Without self-respect, you will not be able to feel that you deserve the respect of a partner. You will constantly try to prove that you deserve it, and as a result, you will only harm your relationship.

Never complain about your partner to friends. If you are unhappy with something in his behavior, discuss it with him, and not with friends and relatives.
Be respectful that your partner may have interests, hobbies, and views that are different from yours.
Consider the opinion of your half. Remember, you are one team. If someone alone is dissatisfied, then you need to look for a solution to the problem together.
Do not keep everything to yourself, discuss any problems. You should not have taboo topics of conversation.
Respect is directly related to trust. And trust is the foundation of any relationship (not just romantic ones). Without it, there can be no feeling of intimacy and calmness.

3. Discuss all problems.

If you don't like something, be sure to discuss it. No one will fix your relationship for you. The main thing for maintaining trust is absolute honesty and openness of both partners.

Share your doubts and fears, especially those you don't share with anyone else. This will help not only heal some emotional wounds, but also better understand the partner.
Keep your promises. The only way to restore trust is to keep your word.
Learn to distinguish between the suspicious behavior of a partner and your own complexes. Usually during quarrels, one person thinks that his behavior is completely normal, while another seems categorically wrong.
Trust is like a porcelain plate. If it falls and breaks, then with great difficulty it can still be glued back together. If you break it a second time, there will be twice as many fragments, and it will also take more time and effort to put them together. But if you drop the plate over and over again, in the end, it will break into such small pieces that it will be impossible to glue them together.

4. Don't try to control each other.

We often hear that relationships require sacrifice. There is some truth in this: sometimes you really have to give up something. But if both partners constantly sacrifice themselves, they are unlikely to be happy. Such a relationship in the end will only harm them both.

Each person should be an independent person with their own views and interests.

Trying to control your partner to make them happy (or allowing you to control your own actions) will not achieve anything good.
Some are afraid to give their partner freedom and independence. The reason for this may be a lack of confidence or self-doubt. The less we value ourselves, the more we will try to control our partner's behavior.

5. Be prepared for both of you to change.

Over time, you and your partner will change - this is completely natural. Therefore, it is important to always be aware of the ongoing changes and treat them with respect.

If you plan to spend several decades together, you need to be prepared for difficulties and unforeseen situations.

Significant changes that many couples face may include a change in religion and political views, a move to another country, or the death of relatives (including children).

When you start dating, you only know what this person is now. You have no way of knowing what it will be like in five or 10 years. Therefore, you need to be prepared for the unexpected. Of course, it's not easy. But the ability to quarrel properly can help here.

6. Learn to fight.

Psychologist John Gottman identified four signs of behavior that indicate a possible breakup:

Criticism of character (“You are stupid” instead of “You acted stupidly”).
Blame shifting.
Insults.
Avoiding a quarrel and ignoring a partner.
Therefore, it is worth learning to quarrel correctly:

Do not recall previous scandals during one quarrel. This will not solve anything, but will only aggravate the situation.
If the fight escalates, stop. Go outside and walk around a bit. Return to the conversation only when you cool down.
Remember, being right in a fight isn't as important as feeling like you've been listened to with respect.
Don't try to avoid quarrels. Express your pain and admit what worries you.
7. Learn to forgive.

Do not try to change your partner - this is a sign of disrespect. Accept the fact that you have disagreements, love the person in spite of them, and try to forgive.

But how do you learn to forgive?

When the fight is over, it doesn't matter who was right and who was wrong. Leave all conflicts in the past, and do not remember them every month.
You don't have to keep an account. Relationships should not have winners and losers. Everything should be done and given free of charge, that is, without manipulation and expectation of something in return.
When a partner makes a mistake, separate his behavior from his intentions. Do not forget that you appreciate and love in a partner. Everyone makes mistakes. And if a person made a mistake, this does not mean at all that he secretly hates you and wants to leave.
8. Be pragmatic

Any relationship is not perfect, because we ourselves are not perfect. Therefore, be pragmatic: determine what each of you is good at, what you like and dislike to do, and then assign responsibilities.

In addition, many couples are advised to determine some rules in advance. For example, how will you share all expenses? How much are you willing to borrow? How much can each partner spend without consulting the other? What do you need to buy together? How will you decide where to go on vacation?

Some even hold "annual reports" during which they discuss how to run the business and decide what to change on the farm. This, of course, sounds trite, but this approach really helps to be aware of the needs and requirements of a partner and strengthens relationships.

9. Mind the little things.

Simple signs of attention, compliments and support mean a lot. All these little things accumulate over time and affect how you perceive your relationship. Therefore, many advise to continue to go on dates, go out somewhere for the weekend and be sure to find time for sex, even when you are tired. Physical intimacy not only keeps a relationship healthy, it even helps mend it when things go wrong.

This becomes especially important with the advent of children. In modern culture, they are almost prayed for. It is believed that parents should sacrifice everything for them.

The best guarantee that children will grow up healthy and happy is a healthy and happy relationship between parents.

So let your relationship always come first.

10. Learn to catch a wave.

Relationships can be compared to waves on the sea. Such waves are different emotions, ups and downs in a relationship. Some last only a few hours, others several months or even years.

The main thing is not to forget that by themselves these waves practically do not reflect the quality of the relationship. They are influenced by many external factors: loss or change of job, death of relatives, moving, financial difficulties. You just need to catch the wave with your partner, wherever it takes you.

It is important to understand that we ourselves can shape our life attitudes, emotions and feelings and consciously approach our relationships. Then it turns out that the secret of a long life together is not such a secret after all. Be open, grateful and focus on your love for each other, not on negative emotions!