No one ever said parenthood was easy, and that’s never more true than if you’re doing the job on your own as a single mother. Stressful, challenging and sometimes terribly lonely are just a few ways single moms describe their everyday lives.

Yet the second-most common living arrangement for children in the U.S. (after two-parent households) is living in a home headed by a single mom. According to the 2020 U.S. Census Bureau, out of the 11 million single-parent families in the U.S., more than 80% of those are single-mom households. While raising children on your own can be a roller coaster of financial worries and time management stresses, there are lots of single moms out there not just getting through it and surviving, but thriving.

Fortunately, there are lots of ways to make single momhood easier on yourself. We asked single moms for their best advice on conquering some of the most challenging parts of being single parents. Read on for single mom help and tips on how to stay organized, slay your financial challenges, raise well-adjusted kids and keep yourself happy all at the same time.

Get control of your finances
Raising a child on one income can be challenging. Even if finances aren’t tight, the mental space required for keeping track of all the bills can be a lot and even take away from time you spend with your child. Learning how to manage your finances can take a big load off your shoulders.

1. Start a budget and keep it updated
Chris, a mom of one from Massachusetts, says a budget is the key to keeping your head above water financially.

“My big tip is to create a budget, but my most important tip is to keep it updated,” she says. “I would keep creating these budgets but never updating them and then wondering where all my money went. Now I set aside time every Sunday night and update everything so that I am never confused at the end of the month. I don’t always feel like doing it, but I just make myself. This has helped me more than anything.”

Understanding how much money is coming in and how much is going out will help you figure out where you need to cut back and how much you can spend on extras during the month. You can go old-school by creating your budget with pad and paper or try making one in Excel or Google sheets for an easier option. With a little bit of setup time, a free app like Mint can tie directly into your bank and credit cards and make budgeting even easier.

2. Put your bills on autopay
If you know your budget can handle it, try putting monthly bills on autopay. This ensures you don’t miss a payment and incur late fees and will also save you time. Instead of sitting at your laptop paying the bills one by one each month, set up autopay, and have more time to spend with your kids (or with a good book!)

“I was afraid to set it up because I felt like I’d run out of money unexpectedly,” says Liz, a New York City mom of two. “But once I bit the bullet, it was great. At this point, I am used to the money coming out at a set time, and I don’t have to worry about being late.”

3. Take advantage of tax breaks and government programs
“Personally, I’d love to have a personal money manager, but I can’t afford it,” says Monica, a mom from Massachusetts. “I did a lot of research after talking to another mom where I live, and there are things I wasn’t even taking advantage of. Now I look into it every year to make sure nothing has changed.”

Make sure you are taking advantage of tax breaks like the Child Tax Credit and the Child Care Tax Credit, both of which recently increased for 2021. Do your research to ensure that you are saving whatever money you are entitled to when filing your taxes.
4. Learn how to say “no”
“I can’t buy everything my kids want,” says Monica. “It’s sad to tell them no, but it would be worse to teach them to care about buying a toy instead of being able to afford our house or food.”

You don’t need to get into the nitty gritty of your finances with your kids, but it’s good to teach them to prioritize what matters in life. It will help them understand the value of a dollar and to be more discerning about what they buy as they get older. If there’s something they have their heart set on, teach them to save up for it or put it on a holiday or birthday list.

Utilize your support system to make child care easier
It takes a village to raise a child, right? Whether you’re a single mom or not, most people realize that child care usually involves many different folks pitching in. You might be surprised by how many other parents want to team up with you to tackle child care — just ask around!

5. Join up with other single moms
“The one piece of advice is to do what I resisted doing forever — make friends with other single moms,” says Pauline, a mom of two from Wisconsin. “There is absolutely no guilt in asking another single mom for help watching your kids now and then because she knows the struggle. She also knows I’ll do the same for her when she needs it. I’m really shy, so it took me forever, but my whole life changed when I got close to two other single moms. We cover each other’s back, always, no questions asked!”

Other single moms will understand your situation more than anyone else could. They will also be a good person to go to for advice when you need it because you won’t need to over explain anything to them.

6. Try a sleepover exchange
“My friends and I are members of the sleepover exchange club,” says Judy, a mom of three in Austin. “Basically, you take the group of kids for a sleepover one weekend night a month and each of the other moms does the same thing on the other weekends. This is how I’ve managed to date; otherwise I don’t think it would ever happen.”

If your kids are old enough and ready for sleepovers, this can be a real game-changer. You can go out or do some time-consuming projects while being kid-free for an entire night. The bonus here: The kids think it’s all for them, and they have a blast with their friends.

7. Start or join a carpool share
There’s no reason for everyone to take the same drive to and from school every day when you can start a carpool and split the duties.

“Carpool is the key to sanity some days,” says Pauline. “When it’s my day, I’m prepared for it ahead of time. When it’s not my day, I get an extra hour or so to do things around the house or get to work early. It’s a small thing, but it helps.”

8. Rely on close family members
“I’m lucky because my mom and my aunt are both in my town and neither of them works full time,” says Chris. “My mom has my daughter two afternoons a week after school and my aunt takes her another two. It’s the only way I can manage my job.”

Some moms worry that family members will feel taken advantage of, but older family members looking out for the youngest kids is a tradition as old as time. Many of us grew up spending a lot of time with our grandparents, so try to put your own worries aside. Have an honest conversation with your family members and see if they are willing to help you out. You will probably be surprised at how willing they are to take on some babysitting time, even if it is just an afternoon here and there.

Get organized to save yourself headaches
Kids like consistency, and setting up a “system” for your family can not only save you time, but it can also help you avoid meltdowns and unexpected curveballs.

9. Get on a daily routine and stick to it
“I run this house like a well-oiled machine, and it’s the only way it works,” says Jo, a mom of three from Maine. “We have a very specific routine for weekdays, and no one is allowed to mess it up, including me. As long as we stick to it, there are no surprises!”

Getting yourself and your kids on a daily routine is not only helpful to you, but it’s good for your kids, as well. Kids like the consistency of a routine, even if they put up a fight about it now and then. Having a set routine in the mornings especially is the best way to make sure everyone is dressed on time and no lunches get left at home accidentally.

10. Try creating a mealtime list system
“It sounds crazy, but I have a rotating mealtime list system that I use,” says Kim, a mom of two from New Jersey. “Basically, I came up with eight different dinner lists that cover one dinner for each day of the week. I rotate between the eight lists. Having eight lists means that there are two months worth of dinners before I start to repeat them. I just pull up a list, depending on what’s going on that week, and bring it with me to the grocery store. I don’t have to think about dinner every day since I already know what I’m making, and I know it’s something my kids will eat.”

Meal planning can help you hold down the chaos that can take over during a busy week, and it also makes grocery shopping a lot easier. Try creating a board for each week on Pinterest for each list and saving each dinner as a pin within that week’s list. If things go totally awry during the week, you can always order a pizza, but at least you have a basic plan to start with and that’s half the battle. Lots of sites like Skinnytaste, Tastes Better From Scratch and The Kitchn post healthy weekly meal plans for families.