01
Try looking at your partner with admiration more often.
The strongest attraction to a person is when he is passionate about something that he really likes. Psychologist and writer Esther Perel, while working on her book "Reproduction in Captivity", traveled and simultaneously conducted research in two dozen countries. For one of her studies on passion in long-term relationships, she asked people the same question: "When do you feel like you want your partner the most?" Everyone gave surprisingly similar answers, and in the top was this: “I am most attracted to a person at the moment when he is completely absorbed in what he loves.” Try to watch your partner as they do what they do best. And to catch the feeling that right now he is basking in the rays of glory. This feeling of inaccessibility of a partner maximizes sexual desire.

02
Maintain autonomy from your partner
For many of us, the image of love is associated with the image of fusion. And the more complete and exhaustive this merging is, the stronger love seems to be. Because of this, any attempt to take your piece of autonomy causes many difficulties, especially if only one partner needs this autonomy. But in fact, partnership is not the same as merging, because there is no distance in merging. And desire survives only if each of the partners retains personal space. Therefore, try to encourage the autonomy of the partner's interests. And allow yourself (if necessary, defend) the right to have hobbies that you will not share with him.

03
Remember that your sex life with yourself is incredibly important.
Relationships are not a subscription to sex. Many people think that while they are not in a couple, they can masturbate, watch porn, buy sex toys and so on. But as soon as a partner appears, he becomes not only the main, but also the only source of sexual satisfaction. But in reality, each of us is supposed to have two sexual lives: with the participation of other people and with ourselves. And this can just help to balance the inconsistency of sexual desires: what turns out to be unclaimed in partner sex goes into solo activities. In addition, the solo life gives the feeling that no one but you has power over your body.

04
Don't try to fit in
Many people have an idea that there is some kind of healthy “normal sex”, and they want to have a regular partner. As if with casual partners you can experiment and realize your fantasies, and in a long-term relationship this is not permissible. And often people who have such limits love their partners very much, but they want to have sex with someone else. Only two practices from all the variety are considered normal everywhere - penetration and kissing in the mouth. Would you like your sex to be 100% just these two things?

Feeling that you do not conform to some sexual norm makes you unhappy and unsatisfied. Because often practices that are considered normal are far from being enjoyable for everyone. Most women can't get an orgasm from penetrative sex alone. Therefore, loosen the concept of “normal in sex” inside yourself - forget about the words “abnormal”, “perverted”, “sick” when you talk about sexual desires.

05
Forget about erogenous zones
In the book "Sexual Intelligence" by Marty Klein, there is an interesting idea that the very idea of ​​dividing the body into zones that are associated with sex, and into zones that have nothing to do with it, is fundamentally wrong. When we are excited, the whole body becomes one continuous erogenous zone. If we are tired, irritated, offended, we are cold or scared, even the most sexual parts of our body become insensitive. What then is the practical meaning of dividing the body into sexual and non-sexual zones? This limits the imagination and demotivates us to study each other. At the same time, often those areas of the body that are not considered erogenous can bring much more pleasure: for example, foot massage.

06
Look for "points of entry" to sex
The attitude that sex should always be spontaneous is a hopelessly unrealistic and somewhat selfish view of sexual relationships. That is, it turns out that in some extraordinary way, the partner must feel that right now you want intimacy, then do something special to excite you, and then you will have amazing sex. But in reality, spontaneous sex is more about shifting responsibility to a partner. This means you don't have to do anything, you don't have to check your own state, you don't have to hear "no" and so on. All this happens because we treat sex as a gift. In fact, for sex to be good, you need to look for "entry points".
These may be some of your personal internal rituals, for example, when one says: “I’m in the shower, don’t fall asleep without me,” and the second clearly understands this signal. Or such a ritual can be a massage, if you agree on it. It is such a veiled but conscious invitation to the space of intimacy.

07
Enhance Your Sexual Competence
By taking courses, webinars, trainings about sex, we invest time, effort and money in the development of our own sexuality. And as a result, we increase our sexual self-esteem and the priority of this area for our own libido. It gives a great sense of support because it's very easy to say or write, "Appreciate yourself for who you are." In fact, we are all in one way or another, directly or indirectly, looking for evidence that we are great at sex. But it is important to invest in yourself not out of fear (that you will be abandoned, out of love, exchanged for someone sexier, etc.), but out of self-love.

08
Do not force your partner to work on relationships and sex. Be an example for him
If a partner has no desire, he does not see a problem and everything suits him, you cannot do anything with him. Because in working with sex, any hint of pressure causes rejection. But you can work with relationships on your own. And the person who lives with you will sooner or later become interested in what kind of book about sex you have been reading so enthusiastically for the fifth day already. And then, when he himself takes a step, you can invite him to connect to you. But remember that the process of working on a relationship is not the same as working on a “partner” who does something wrong, or does not understand you, or whatever. Any work on relationships begins with work on yourself: your own attitudes, behavior, reactions.