Of course, if you designate the status of the new man as "dad", it will, on the one hand, make life easier, outsiders will not ask unnecessary questions. "Yes, we have a complete family, I'm happy" - often a woman wants to show the whole world, especially if the day before she went through a series of failures in his personal life. But it often happens that the child has a native father, with whom he continues to communicate, whom he loves. Is it necessary to "displace" him from the life of a child? Is it really necessary to make a substitution in his head?

During this period, the child already has dozens of questions: Why isn't the old daddy anymore? Is it possible not to love him anymore? "Must" love this one now? Trying to maintain the classic "mom-dad-me" family triad, replacing the old dad with the new one, without providing the child with explanations he can understand, can lead to a distorted understanding of family values. The principle "No one is irreplaceable" does not fit in at all with the concepts of "family" and "close people". Neither mom nor dad can be replaced by anyone else. And is it really necessary? Is it so fundamentally important how the child will call your new husband? After all, it's the quality of the relationship that counts, not how to label them. We must learn to get the most out of this situation and not create a child a feeling that in order to make friends with his stepfather, you have to break off relations with his real father. It is quite possible that a great relationship with both father and stepfather will make the child happier and better off, because he will be surrounded by double attention and care. To do this you need to help the child to sort out "who is who" now in his life by answering even the most uncomfortable questions. It is the clear definition of roles that will help avoid misunderstandings and disappointment. Daddy will always be daddy, he won't stop loving you, you can always see each other whenever you want. And the stepfather will live with us and take care of you like a daddy.
...Of course, every situation is individual. A lot depends on life circumstances and on the note on which the former spouses parted. Were they able to remain good parents to their children after the divorce? Do they understand the importance of this? Does the father himself want to communicate with his child after the divorce? It may be that the child does not have a natural father, and the new husband of his mother, the child himself begins to call the father, feeling a natural need for male attention and care. And often the real father is not the one who gave birth, but the one who raised him. But the main principle in this is the absence of imposition, the child himself must feel a rapprochement with his stepfather, affection, and much depends on just the patient and reasonable behavior of adults.Of course, the main burden of maintaining a new family home falls on a woman's shoulders. It is not easy for her at these times to balance between her new husband and child, because not only the children have to get used to the new circumstances, but also the man, who also needs her support. The woman has to be the main mediator in establishing family relationships, to set the mood and resolve conflicts. The man, of course, is not much easier - a lot is expected of him now, he has to become a new support for the mother, dissuading her from believing that "all men are the same. Make her believe in love again. And then there is a little (or not so little) man, with his own character, age quirks and whims. It is natural that a child may not be of much interest to a man - in fact, he was originally interested in a relationship with a woman, not her children. In some cases, the child may even become a hindrance to the development of a new relationship. Agree, it is difficult to love someone else's child, especially if he ignores you and set up unfriendly.

But therein lies the main clue! And if "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach," "the way to a woman's heart is through her child."

How do you feel when you see a daddy playing with his little boy on the playground? Leading a conversation with your baby about everything in the world? Sincerely passionate about his child? "There are dads like that..." - Any woman's heart melts at the sight of such a father. If a man manages to smoothly establish contact with the child of his chosen one, it counts as a huge plus. At times this "plus" in the eyes of women can even overshadow a number of male shortcomings. Fall in love with a woman, taking with all his heart first her child - this method works almost always. Of course, if we are talking about genuine, genuine feelings.

So you can start by trying to become just a friend for the child. Not an official dad, a teacher, a moralizer, but just a friend. Not the head of the family with a formidable fist on the table, but someone who will always be at the side of the child. Friendship will certainly require some effort, but it does not involve blind parental love. It is the mother who can still kiss the heel (size 40) of a sleeping growing boy, while the stepfather has every right not to feel a similar desire. At the same time, he can become no less important person in the life of a child than his own parents.

The task of becoming friends is quite feasible for both the child and the stepfather. The main thing is not to expect the impossible from each party, demanding to show love and respect from the first days, creating a semblance of external well-being. Consequently, the question of how to introduce the new chosen one to the child, and what he should call him, solves itself - friends are addressed by name.

It is still better to start friendship between the stepfather and the child at a distance. First, the relationship between all members of the future family should take shape and strengthen, and then you can start to build a nest under a joint roof. Guests, hiking, fishing, eating together - then you can fantasize in the choice of ways to get closer to infinity. It is important that the child does not feel the lack of attention from mom and her friend, otherwise the "uncle" will automatically become the perpetrator of mommy's love deficit. It is wonderful if mom's friend and the child will find something to do together, without mom's participation.No matter how twisted the line of fate, no matter how the attempts to build family happiness, it is important to remember that everyone has the right and chance to love again. Truly happy children can only have happy parents. And cases where the stepfather became a wise mentor for the child, a good friend and support for life - not so rare!