What is not romance?

Before proceeding to the definition, let's figure out together what romance is not.

Romance doesn't mean love
In any relationship, love is more important than romance. Love is spiritual, it is a connection, it is an obligation, it is a noble promise made to each other. If someone thinks, "My partner doesn't love me because he never does anything romantic," he better put that lie out of his mind. The apostle John said, "Let us not love in word or tongue, but in deed and in truth." (1 John 3:18)

I want to confess that there is nothing "romantic" about bringing home a salary, doing household chores or raising children. There is nothing interesting in caring for a sick partner or experiencing the grief of loss. It is not at all romantic to maintain a relationship, it would be much easier to refuse them. However, all this testifies to love in its deepest form. Romance can be created at any time by anyone, but true love can only be achieved through the couple's determination and hard work.
Love doesn't mean s....?..x
Sex can be romantic. Solomon said, "These are three things that I can't explain, even four that I don't understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship in the sea, and the way of a man to a girl" (Proverbs 30:18-19). Think about what Solomon described: when a girl first enters into an intimate relationship with her husband, he should be meek, patient, and unselfish with her. He cannot think only of himself. He needs to be gentle with her, to relax her, and for this he needs to make her feel safe.

Obviously, a married woman is no longer a virgin, but the need to feel that her partner cares about her and that she is safe with him during intimacy are things she needs to experience throughout her marriage. It is very beautiful to appreciate the body of your beloved, look into her eyes and whisper something beautiful and intimate to her. The intimacy and connection that results from an intimate relationship is supernatural, as long as it is within the God-given boundaries.

But sex can also be very unromantic - selfish, one-sided and cold. If one of the partners transforms the purpose of s....?xual intercourse into the satisfaction of their own pleasures, this kills romance. Many women who are treated in this way will have forced s....?..x or use it as a negotiating tool. By doing so, neither partner will reap the lasting benefits of intimacy.

Another aspect related to this topic is the "romance for s..?.x" schema. This understanding implies the following: "I offer you something romantic, and you offer me s....?..x instead." If this is the reason behind the romantic gesture, the partner will reveal it sooner or later. In this case, the actions are manipulative, not romantic.
What is romance
Romanticism is an expression of appreciation and value. He says "You are special to me and I want to celebrate in your honor"! Romance is a way to let your partner know that you don't take his love for granted.

Do you remember that beginning of your relationship before marriage? Do you remember such romantic gestures as sending a bouquet of flowers, preparing for a meeting, planning a surprise, dancing? All this is hardly close to expressing love - how can you love someone you barely know?! Instead, romantic gestures made to the other person signaled to them that you saw something special in them that made them different from others.

This set of premarital romantic overtones was all about winning over your loved one, attracting them, and bringing them closer to you. And now that he's yours, what's the point of romance after marriage?

What a good question! Once you know what romance is, you will be able to understand three reasons why it remains important even after marriage.

Romance in marriage says, "You're just as important to me!"
Your partner wants to know that you are still worried about his happiness. He would like to know that you continue to notice the value he or she brings to your life. Romance indicates that you can still make sacrifices for your loved one. For this reason, flowers and walks together are important: take your time or spend your hard-earned money to buy a gift or organize an event for your spouse. What really matters is the intent.

Romanticism says: "I know you!"
Everyone wants to know and be known. This is how God created us. And in marriage, we want to see the realization of this knowledge. Women don't just want flowers, they want you to know that they are their favorite flowers. And the husband doesn't just want sex, he wants to know that you still find him attractive, that you enjoy being around him. We all want our life partners to love us both inside and out, we want to know that they appreciate us, that they appreciate both our personality and our quirks.

The Bible often uses the verb "know" as a euphemism for intimacy, and this gives marriage the status of a unique relationship. These two don't just know each other, but they really know each other well; they understand each other deeper, more intimately and more personally than any other person on the planet. And this is much more than theoretical knowledge - it is knowledge at the level of the heart. How else can we express deep feelings of love other than through romance?

Romance indicates that you do not consider your partner's love to be only his responsibility.
Marriage expert Dennis Rainey once said that marriage is like two boats in the ocean. If you turn off both engines, the boats will naturally move away from each other.

In the same way, if in a marriage the efforts to remain emotionally close (that is, with the engines running) are not made by both parties, one day, when the children are already grown and fly away, you may suddenly realize that you are strangers to each other.

Romance gives the couple the opportunity to create special memories and strengthen the bond between them, so it will last for years even when the children are no longer physically present to bond.

So how do you add a touch of romance to a relationship?
What exactly can be romantic in a relationship depends on the personality and preferences of the partners. Romance is different for every couple. One of my friends doesn't like flowers: she thinks it's a waste of money, she prefers to ride. Another loves it when her husband cleans the kitchen while she takes a bath.

When Don asked me for advice, I told him that his wife would rather spend more time with him than just be aware of his physical presence in the house. There is no need to take her shopping or take her for a walk in the park.

One of the most enjoyable trips that Robbie and I went on was fishing. I have never seen him more in love with me than when I pulled out a trout weighing about 1.5 kg. Success lies in getting to know your partner better.

To men, 1 Peter 3:7 says, "Husbands, treat your wives wisely." This means knowing her favorite flowers and colors and being mindful of what makes her happy.

To women, Ephesians 5:33 says, “Let the wife honor her husband.” Appreciate his hobbies and interests. Let him tell you what he likes and use that knowledge to show him how much you appreciate him.

Romance takes work, sacrifice, and time, but such efforts pay off. It may not work for you at first, but any effort and effort to help your partner feel truly who you know is like a seed of love that will bear fruit throughout your life.