Love or infatuation

Most likely, speaking of the transience of love, psychologists mean her windy younger sister - love. It is she who is characterized by all the passions of the first years of relations between a man and a woman, even if they have a marriage stamp in their passport - plans, hopes, dreams, fantasies. In general, a large energy tangle of feelings and sensations. Statistics say that we really live in this state for a maximum of three years, after which the blinders fall off, and we begin to see the loved one as he really is.

Down with pink glasses!

What happens when we stop seeing a loved one through rose-colored glasses? Our eyes are simply opened to many things: a loved one, it turns out, loves to scatter dirty socks around the room, toothpaste is spattered all the time in the bathroom mirror. And what yesterday seemed like sweet and forgivable weaknesses, today begins to seriously annoy. And you need to either remake a person, or come to terms with his shortcomings and diligently play along with him, pretending that everything suits you. The first path leads nowhere, since it is almost impossible to remake another person, the second requires outstanding acting skills and huge energy costs. And if, as a result, the relationship collapses, it is not because the person is bad in itself, but because you did not have the wisdom to get along with him.

When love passes, the understanding comes that life together is, first of all, work. Daily, hourly and minutely. By the way, psychologists give another figure - seventeen months - the time during which we are under the influence of falling in love. It is after seventeen months that the prodigal husbands return to the family, having made an important discovery: it turns out that there is nothing special in their new chosen one. As for love, it begins - or does not begin - after the infatuation has passed. It is more calm, without crazy passions and emotions, but also a stronger feeling that can last a lifetime.

Falling in love may turn into love, or it may not. Therefore, we can say that there is love without love, but there is no love without love - this is its first and indispensable stage. When falling in love passes, people bitterly say: "Oh, love has passed!" Was there love? There were passions that did not survive the encounter with serious problems. If a person is ready to endure the difficulties that have arisen and give the one who is next to him one more chance, then most likely he really loves. But this is not love-passion, but love-wisdom and love-patience. We are all touched by elderly couples who walk sedately down the street, arm in arm and look at each other with tenderness. Yes, probably, there were serious problems in their lives - quarrels, betrayals - but they were able to live together to old age and save the most important thing - love.

Love is crazy

The fact that nature has programmed us for only two or three years of falling in love once again speaks of her wisdom, since complex biochemical processes occurring in the brain are responsible for this vivid feeling. They practically burn a person from the inside. A condition in which we cannot live without a loved one, because we have "one breath for two" - it is not normal for our body. It is very pleasant, but, like any pleasure, it should not last long, otherwise our psyche simply cannot stand it. Falling in love is the same addiction as a drug or alcohol addiction: a person yearns for no apparent reason, he is feverish, his heart beats at an accelerated rhythm, he can neither eat nor sleep - he thinks about the object of his passion all the time. If the period of falling in love lasted longer than three years, we would all be patients in psychiatric clinics. What would be left of us after ten or fifteen years of such stress? Falling in love lasts so long that we can feel happy, but not incinerated to ashes.