1. FEAR OF MISSING OUT

What distinguishes the emotionally traumatized from those who have escaped parental indifference or excessive drill is not the desire for the wrong candidates (they are, you know, everywhere and often irresistible in appearance), but the inability to detect problems in time and to be decisive. Above all, a difficult childhood encourages endless stuckness. We want so much to be loved, if only in some way, and we are very afraid that, having missed this chance, we will not wait for the next one.

2. SELF-LOVE

The reason for the aforementioned stuckness is extremely simple: we don't really love ourselves. Often we don't love ourselves at all. Therefore, when someone messes with our head, hurts us in word or deed, drinks blood, openly mocks, lies, fails, promises and does not do, ignores tenderness and feelings, swears that never again, and then again for his, our first, second and even hundredth impulse does not pass in the format "get up and leave". We will follow the usual tendency: to wonder what we did to provoke the problem, what we misunderstood, and whether there is a way to dodge it so as not to upset it in the future. The past has endowed us with a catastrophic defenselessness, accompanied by an ability to disregard our feelings and trust others to the point of naivety. It may take such people a decade to come to the realization of a fact available to others at a glance/word/date: This person is not worth it.

3. UNWILLINGNESS TO DISAPPOINT.

Elementary self-care requires a natural evolutionary skill - the willingness to reject someone in the name of self-protection. It's understandable that sometimes you have to say "no" to defend your personal priorities, but it's practically a crime to disappoint your sweetheart. I mean, really, he's so smart and kind. Almost always. And he's been in a good mood for days now. How dare I disappoint him, considering he loves me? He's told me that, once or twice... Those whose inner love tank hasn't been filled since childhood find it very difficult to give up on an established relationship, even if it is destructive, unhealthy or toxic.

4. HIGH EXPECTATIONS

Children who have grown up in a difficult atmosphere have just as difficult a need for preconceived guardians in the future. By accepting the impossibility of options, we learn a habit that provides a necessary (though false) defense: the ability to hope against reason that the one from whom we expect love will one day magically change and become kind. If we are polite and obedient long enough, sooner or later he/she will change from anger to mercy. This suffering pattern spills over into adult relationships. Childhood trauma erodes psychological immunity, depriving us of the desire to think critically and accept the truth that sometimes personal happiness involves rejection of certain people.

5. FEAR OF LONELINESS

The willingness to get out of unsatisfying relationships reflects, in part, our confidence in our acceptability of loneliness and our openness to future (and loving!) partners. In both cases, our "inner fascists" are waging a covert war against reasonable expectations. In fact, who else would want me? Yeah, sure, now the knight on a white horse will come... It is much safer to watch as hopes for love and harmony are drowning in the indifference of the unconsciously sadistic personality of the current partner.

6. THE LACK OF ACCEPTANCE OF KINDNESS.

What's particularly unpleasant is that lack of love deprives us of a taste for kindness. Growing up, we perceive good people as boring, unsexy and nerdy. Early attitudes are instilled in our subconscious, and we have no idea what's wrong with the nice guy who asked us out. The spark didn't strike, the chemistry didn't work, the interests didn't align? But if we had a better understanding of who we are, an honest conclusion would be: he's not attractive because he probably won't be able to cause the same kind of pain that we've been used to since our early years, grasping love in bits and pieces. That is, he doesn't excite because he's too kind. Weird, isn't it? But that's how our perception of reality works, which it's time to leave in the past, as well as a difficult childhood. And then try very hard to change focus and let a truly loving, kind, caring, sincere and faithful person into your life.