Basic principles of an ideal relationship:
1. Healthy adequate self-esteem, self-confidence, the ability to love and respect yourself and other people.
2. Trust in yourself and your partner. Trust in intimacy is the ability to be close to a partner, trusting him at the same time, and not being afraid of intimacy itself. If a person has had attachment trauma, there will usually be problems with intimacy trust (they will feel discomfort, fear of absorption and control, fear of absorbing their partner, or generally harming the relationship). If trust is formed in a couple, partners will not be afraid of punishment from each other, reproaches and remarks - a loved one will understand me, he is not going to hurt me. Against the background of sincere affection and open friendly relationships, the ability to be vulnerable is formed, without which there will simply be no honesty in a couple.
3. Willingness to change - it is important to change, but not change yourself. What does it mean? You can’t blindly obey a partner if he requires you to radically change your life values ​​and views, because of this, a strong conflict may arise. For example, a partner sees nothing reprehensible in robbing a bank or indulging in drugs, forcing you to follow his example. If a person, for the sake of relationships, goes against his own values, this will ultimately not only cause the partners to move away from each other, but will also have a detrimental effect on the personality itself. It is worth changing in everyday matters - for example, banal quarrels about an unclosed tube of toothpaste, a dirty mug after drinking coffee, an unmade bed, etc. You can calmly put up with such trifles and understand - these habits are formed from childhood, at the age of 10-12 years (the period when love is instilled or, conversely, a negative attitude towards cleaning). However, it is quite difficult (sometimes even impossible) to re-educate a person in such matters; he himself must have the desire and motivation to change.
4. Willingness to work on yourself. Relationships are a reflection of childhood trauma. If in childhood the mother figure was cold and repulsive, in adulthood a person will feel cold in every act of a partner. Moreover, out of habit, he will respond in accordance with his feelings and, as a result, after a while, the partner will really begin to be cold. So, relationships are hard work on yourself. You need to re-live all the difficult feelings associated with the rejection of the mother. For a more effective result, it is worth visiting psychotherapy sessions.
5. Showing love for each other (not only in words, but also in actions). In a couple, it is very important that the partners have the same life values and guidelines. This will allow us to build joint plans for the future. For example, if one of the partners has the material component in the first place, and the second one meditates every day for eight hours, these two people will never understand each other. There is a very informative and interesting book by Gary Chapman "The Five Love Languages. How to Express Love to Your Companion. Words of encouragement, time, gifts, help and touch - thanks to these ways you can express your love to your partner. Love is a feeling that constantly requires confirmation. Each of us wants to feel every day: “Yes, I am still loved”, “Yes, they are waiting and understanding for me”, “I am important”, “I am respected”, etc. Do not be stingy and let the partner fully feel what you want, then everything will work out in the relationship.