How to know if a toxic person is around
- Your friend is constantly sarcastic, and lately her barbs have become very cruel.
- Your colleague not only rejects all your suggestions and ideas, but also actively belittles you in front of those who listen to you.
- Your spouse says cruel things to you, and when you object, he/she says that you are too sensitive or refuses to talk about it.
- Parents downplay your accomplishments, no matter what you have done.

How to behave
1. Recognize the traits in you that make you easy prey
Think calmly about communicating with this person. That way you can see the pattern by which unpleasant communication occurs for you. For example, insecure daughters of overbearing mothers may confuse someone else's thirst for control with strength and tenacity and find themselves under the influence of someone toxic.
2. Think about your reaction.
Assess your reaction to unpleasant communication. The person insulting you may take a lukewarm reaction to their behavior as permission and continue to behave the same way. Your reaction can make the aggression directed at you stronger or weaker.
Act on the "if-then" principle.
Play out in your head the most likely conflict situations and your behavior. For example: "If she says something rude to me, I will ask her why she is insulting me." It is very important to learn to stand up for your feelings.
3. Stop looking for excuses.
One of the reasons people stay in hurtful relationships is a lack of faith in themselves. If you make excuses for toxic behavior ("He didn't mean it, he didn't mean it") or write it off as ignorance, misunderstanding ("She didn't realize she was being rude"), it's time to stop and figure out why you're doing it. If you notice that you are behaving this way, stop.
4. Don't be afraid of irrecoverable losses.
People avoid loss at all costs. They prefer to hang on to what they have now, even if it turns out to be worthless in the future. Our habit of focusing on how much energy, emotion, time, or money we have invested in something holds us back. If you often reflect on how much you've invested and sacrificed for a toxic person, think about what your life would be like in a year or five years if you ended the relationship. If the connection is not severed, the years that follow will be just another sacrifice you make for a person who will not appreciate it.
5. Recognize the power of variable approval
When a toxic person does something good, your heart goes boom with joy, your optimism reaches a ceiling and you think the situation is getting better. This locks you inside for a long time, like a rat in a cage with a lever.
6. Defend your boundaries or plan for a retreat
If contact with a toxic person cannot be avoided, establish barriers and the type of behavior you would like to see. You don't need to be rude or rebuke if someone violates your boundaries. It's important to be direct and decisive. If it happens at work, make it official and put it on paper. Tell a coworker, for example: "You can criticize me, but I'd rather you not get personal. My appearance has nothing to do with work."
7. Learn to anticipate retaliation.
The toxic person likes to control you. He likes to feel powerful. So don't expect him to just walk out of your life. When you begin to resist, it is likely that he will try even harder to manipulate you, to gossip in order to gain power over you again.
8. Don't make abusive behavior the norm.
It's especially important not to make insulting behavior the norm if you've lived in a harmful relationship for a long time or grew up in a family where you were humiliated. Toxic people explain their behavior by saying that their remarks against you are just words. They deny their guilt by shifting it to others. Refusing to answer a question or ignoring a question is also abusive behavior, a silent variation of it. Any humiliation, including emotional or verbal, is bad.