Love creates, but illusion destroys. It is illusions that make us run in a vicious circle of unfulfilled dreams. How much really valuable we lose by succumbing to illusions!
The first illusion: "He is my destiny"
We are looking for our destiny in a man. After each meeting, we think — it's him! We cherish and cherish our dream and do not want to look at reality in any way. We consider every man as a candidate for husbands, a candidate for the main role in our lives. And when he disappears, life becomes empty and hopeless. And we continue to wait and dream — when he will call, come back, or when another dream will appear. Everything else becomes unimportant and inconspicuous. We do not pay attention to our own lives, but wait for this kind and beautiful prince. And in such dreams, years can pass. And how to be happy in real life?
The idea that there is "The One" is an illusion that poisons life. You're always comparing "Him" to others. And, of course, "He" would do everything better. Constantly comparing men with the ideal image of "The One", you can not evaluate other men on merit. The myth of love, which happens only once, prevents you from making new connections after the previous one ended in failure. The continuation of this myth — the myth that everyone has their own destiny, is dangerous because you completely absolve yourself of responsibility for your life. You do not imagine other options for the development of events, you do not plan alternative ways. And you become very vulnerable and dependent. The result is disappointment.
The second illusion: "It means something"
How does a love fantasy arise? For example, he is handsome and rich, and goes skiing. You like the image of this person. Mentally you build a fantastic scheme "my husband is handsome and rich, he is an athlete" — this is on the surface. And then you endow him with all the other advantages that in your opinion should complement this image. Thus, you ignore the human nature of your partner. Very often we attach a lot of importance to a beautiful beginning and miss the chance for true love. The first vivid impression gave rise to a vivid fantasy that prevents you from seeing reality.
You start building castles in the air that exist only in your head. You invent a love story that doesn't exist, and then you suffer. You draw global conclusions from insignificant facts and assumptions. For example: a man bought a new furniture for an apartment. What a scope for imagination! "Of course he wants to marry me, and he's going to ask me to move soon." And now you're waiting for it to happen. Time is passing. You get offended, you become nervous, capricious. He doesn't understand what's going on. And he has long dreamed of changing the furniture in the apartment simply because it is so convenient for him to invite friends, of whom he has a lot! And they are all so rich that it's just a shame to invite them to another interior. See how simple it is. If you had known about this earlier, you wouldn't even have fantasized, would you? And I would plan my life based on reality. After all, you could have just asked him about it. — Have you changed the situation? So cool! And why? That furniture was also very pretty. — Well, yes, I changed it, otherwise it's inconvenient to invite friends somehow. That's all. And no castles in the air, sleepless nights and insults.
We prefer to think it out for ourselves, instead of asking directly. We interpret other people's actions in accordance with our dreams, and not based on facts and information received. We invent love ourselves. And how cruel the disappointment turns out to be!
The third illusion: "He will paint the world with bright colors"
Very often we rush into relationships because of the inner emptiness.
We want another person to fill the empty space and paint the world with bright colors. A very dangerous fantasy that allows you to think that true love will put everything in its place. You will expect the impossible from your partner — what you have to do yourself. If you were emotionally drained before the start of a love affair, the mental vacuum will not disappear by itself. The more spheres of your life a person occupied, the greater the failure will form after his disappearance.
That's why you rush to read compatibility horoscopes, trying to plan what kind of life you will have with "The One", that's why you can't do anything and wait for a call, and rush at the first call, even if he called not at ten, as promised, but a week later. You grab every chance that will fill the void. And when you get the desired object, after a while the relationship comes to a dead end, simply because you don't know what to do with it! Because I was waiting for life to change by itself, or He would change it. Very often, his life is not as interesting as it seemed at first. The result is disappointment and emptiness again.
Without illusions.
We are exposed to illusions most often when our real self turns out to be too weak. We expect our partner to realize our fantasies. Very often we endow the person of our dreams with those qualities that we admire, but which we lack. The easiest way to get rid of illusions is to become the person of your dreams.
Plan your life without Him. Let it be interesting on its own, without anyone's help. Set your personal goals. Then you won't cry for hours when He can't meet, and people will reach out to you, new friends will appear. Everyone wants to communicate and spend time with interesting people. You'll have a choice. And He himself will still be waiting for you to be free.
Treat men not as candidates for husbands. Men are people just like you. It's very hard for them to be someone's Destiny.