The problem is that we confuse love with attachment. We think that grasping and holding is an indicator of our love, when in reality it is an attachment that brings pain. Because the more we hold on, the more we are afraid to lose, if we lose, then we are very worried. Attachment is like a strong hug that suffocates a relationship, but true love is a gentle and caring touch that allows a relationship to grow.

In fact, a person strongly clings to another, out of fear for himself. Relationships that are calculated to fill their voids with another will be difficult. Erich Fromm calls such love deficient. People should come together, being independent, whole and appreciate this in others.

Love, first of all, is an active process. Someone thinks that you should only take and not give anything, and the other, on the contrary, give and not take (I mean care, respect, responsibility, knowledge). However, if we take and give nothing to others, then other people will not receive joy. In the same way, if we give and do not take, we will not receive joy and a sense of satisfaction.

An obvious example of the presence of care in love is the love of a mother for her child. Where we can clearly see a mother who cares, bathes, feeds, teaches, then we will believe in her love, if on the contrary, we will not believe.

The ability to love is closely related to our development in the family. A mother loves her child because he is her child, not because she has done anything to be loved. Such love is called unconditional. Although this does not mean that this is always the case. Some mothers instill the understanding that love must be earned and this always causes doubt, but suddenly it is not satisfied - there is a fear that love may disappear.

A child psychologically and physically needs unconditional maternal love. However, the child also needs the father's love, his authority and guidance. Therefore, a mother's love should not stand in the way of a child's growth. She should believe in life and not be too anxious so as not to pass this anxiety on to the child. To believe that the child will cope with his responsibilities and to give him the opportunity to be independent, so that the child in the process of growing up will separate from him.

Parental love should be guided by principles, expectations, and be patient, not threatening or authoritarian. Such love gives the child a sense of confidence and competence. Then in adulthood, she will be able to rely on herself, able to ask for help when needed, and not expect that parents or others should give her everything. When this period takes place successfully, a person becomes a mature person, becomes his own father and mother.

If a person has not separated from his parents, then this becomes a reason for neurosis. When a mother is hyperprotective of a child, or, on the contrary, is very indifferent or authoritarian, an immature personality eventually develops. This also applies to the father, when he is overly protective, authoritarian or does not participate in the upbringing of the child; the reasons can be different: indifferent, drinks, constantly busy with work ... there is no father (if there is no father, he must be "replaced" by another man, for example, a grandfather, uncle, second husband).

Love is not only a relationship with a specific person, but also an orientation that extends to everyone. Love for one person and indifference to others is not love, but symbiotic affection.