Mind or feelings
When choosing a partner for a long-term relationship, it is useful to consider how our brain "works" when it comes to personal relationships. Here we often have to deal with the internal conflict "reason vs feelings" and it is not easy to come out of this conflict 100% satisfied with your choice. The fact is, as is often the case, that our limbic system (responsible for emotions and the unconscious) and the neocortex (responsible for reasoning) are antagonists.

The limbic system is responsible for, among other things, the emotions and feelings that trigger our hormonal surges and make our partner the source of our pleasure;

The neocortex is responsible for our reasoning, logic and strategic ability to get along with a person over long distances.

The limbic system is good at "persuasion", giving the neocortex favorable "facts" so that we don't lose the source of the high. So, for example, it can easily explain and justify any shortcoming of the person we feel passionate about. And for the first couple of years it will work, because our hormonal system is on fire and we experience a hormonal high, which we call happiness.

But here's the trouble: hormones are fickle guys and have a habit of leaving after a couple of years in English, leaving behind only the bare facts. These facts are what we have to live with and what any family is always built on (or falls apart because of).

Why don't feelings dance to the beat of reason? Why doesn't the limbic system coordinate its sympathies with the neocortex? It's because our unconscious is programmed to encourage us to reproduce. This is one of the very deepest programs of any human being.

That's why physical attraction and emotional liking for another person signals to the brain, "Oh! The probability of reproduction is increasing! We need to put all our energy into making it happen!".

At that moment, the limbic system turns on full volume to drown out those silly reasoning and logical interferences on the way to spreading your beautiful DNA. And even though it may not happen in the end, its main concern is to do everything it can to make it happen, and there you go.

Is everything so "hopeless"? Not at all.

The thing is that some people (especially judicious and pragmatic) will not be confused by these "limbic cries". Their neocortex, thanks to a large number of neural connections, is able to turn off this intrusive radio of emotions if it finds it strategically unfavorable. Such people have a tremendous advantage and the greatest gift - the right to choose.

They own themselves and their decisions. Even diving into the abyss of hormonal passions, they are able to "turn on" their awareness. By calculating the possible negative consequences, they can either prevent them or minimize the damage. This is something that those who go along with their turbulent feelings when making life-changing decisions are unable to do.

Relying on feelings alone is like trying to ride huge waves without knowing how to surf. Almost always such a desire to tickle your nerves with impressions will end sadly.

But not if you're a trained and skilled surfer. Then you will be able to:

1. Weigh all the risks and realize whether it is worth getting into the water at all;

2. After all, diving in, ride the wave with pleasure and come ashore unharmed.
It's important to remember that feelings aren't all you need for a strong relationship.
Catherine