What is love? The feeling that gives absolute happiness? Or an experience that plunges you into emotional chaos? Neither one nor the other. Even mutual love does not give a feeling of harmony and serenity. But it excites and shocks us even after years. Love is a multifaceted feeling, here are its components.

1. Seeing the other person as a mystery
Love is a mysterious feeling. We feel it, but we don't understand it. The force that pulls a person towards is inexplicable. We strive for him not because we like the way he looks, is rich or endowed with power, not because he looks like one of our parents or another significant person. If the union can be explained logically - “she replaced his mother” or “they are together because of money”, there can be no talk of true love. In her case, it is always the mystery that guides us.“Love appeals to our unconscious: to some childhood experience, loss or longing for what we could not have. It affects that part of the personality that is unknown to us,” explains psychoanalyst Patrick Lamboulay. “That’s why it’s a mistake to think that in a relationship two “halves” should merge and give birth to something whole. It is in this idea that lies the reason why many married couples break up. When a person in a relationship feels understated, he may decide: this is not his soul mate. But this, of course, is not true. To truly love means to always remain intrigued by the mystery of another person.”

2. Afraid of losing
And all the time. And not only another person, but also yourself, dissolving in him. In The Discontents of Culture, Sigmund Freud explains this phenomenon: “We become dependent on another because we constantly need him to support us in our existence.” Hence the fear of loss.
“Love means taking risks,” explains philosopher and psychoanalyst Monica Schneider. “This feeling is so dizzying that sometimes we are even drawn to reject it in order to protect ourselves from the frightening power of another person over us.”Freud emphasized that Eros and Thanatos are inseparable: I love you - I destroy you. Eros is our desire to connect with each other. Thanatos is the death drive that pushes us to break this connection so that our “I” remains omnipotent.“It’s hard to give up on yourself,” explains psychoanalyst Jean-Jacques Moskowitz. — Love always brings torment. It affects our very being - what we are in this world. Only a few realize this. When they find themselves alone, they enjoy it because they feel protected. But if we manage to overcome all doubts and fears and surrender to love, we find ourselves in a new wonderful territory where feelings are revealed with renewed vigor.”
True love is not a good business deal. A whirlpool of feelings is dangerous for both partners. That's why we often doubt something else. But even if he tries to pull away, this does not always mean that he does not love. Perhaps he is simply afraid of losing himself.

3. Be ready to take a step into the unknown
In love, nothing is predetermined. No one can guarantee that feelings will be permanent, and that life together will be long and happy. “Love relationships are a special world in which reason does not rule everything,” explains Monica Schneider. “But you shouldn’t set yourself up for the worst.”
Sometimes, due to past experiences of failed relationships, we convince ourselves in advance that we are doomed to suffer. To truly love, you must be able to believe in miracles again, accept the unknown and learn to be patient.”

4. Feel desire
Here, at first glance, everything is simple: to love a person means to desire him. Research confirms that physical intimacy helps maintain relationships and prevents the fire of love from dying out. Without an exchange of affection, lovers turn into roommates. You can have sex without love, but when there is love, intimacy gives true pleasure.If desire wanes, does that mean the relationship is over? Not at all! Our feelings are influenced by many factors, they are cyclical and constantly experience periods of ups and downs. You may not want intimacy right now because you are simply tired, have eaten too much or too little, are stressed, or, conversely, are pleasantly excited about some grandiose changes. “There are days when it’s enough for us to just have our loved one nearby,” explains Monica Schneider.