Signs of an abusive relationship:

1. **Control and the Desire to Control:** Abusive partners seek control over the other person’s life, may demand constant communication of their whereabouts, and limit contact with friends and family.

2. **Manipulation and Deception:** Abusers often use manipulation and lies to achieve their goals. They may create false scenarios to undermine their partner's trust.

3. **Emotional Abuse:** Emotional abuse includes humiliation, insults, threats and other forms of psychological aggression. Abusive relationships are often accompanied by constant feelings of fear and anxiety.

4. **Physical Abuse:** This is the most obvious form of abuse, including physical impact on a partner. This could include spanking, hitting, even rape.

5. **Isolation:** An abuser may seek to isolate their partner from the outside world in order to increase their control. This may include restricting access to public places and social events.

### Approaches to recognizing an abuser:

1. **Pay attention to patterns of behavior:** If you notice repeated patterns of control, threats and manipulation, this may be a sign of an abusive relationship.

2. **Trust your feelings:** If something doesn't feel right or is causing you anxiety, it could be a sign of problems in the relationship.

3. **Pay attention to behavioral changes:** If your partner has become more aggressive, controlling, or showing signs of abuse, this requires serious attention.

4. **Seek Support:** Talking to friends, family, or a professional can help gain an objective perspective and determine whether your concerns are valid.

Recognizing an abusive relationship and understanding the abuser can be challenging, but it is important to be aware of the signs and act in your best interest in pursuing a healthy and respectful relationship.