Dear Magic,
I have been on both sides of this issue. I'm not proud of my own indiscretions, but, like you, I am being honest.
I can tell you that the pain of this, no matter which side you are on, never goes away.
The best you can do is come to terms with it, and attempt to let it go.
Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves; if we can forgive (which does not meant there are no consequences), we stand a better chance of moving forward with our lives in a healthy way.
This is a difficult thing to do, and must be worked on constantly.
Eleven years after my wife left (and I have not seen her since) I have conflicting thoughts. Sometimes I think of happy memories; other times I want to scream at her. Only now can I even look at a photo of her.
On the other side, I think of people that I hurt. That doesn't go away either. As we get older, we tend to get a better grasp on what is moral and right. At the time, maybe we had no feelings, but later on, as they say, the past comes back to haunt us.
Perhaps this is why young girls seek an older man. The older man sees the folly in this behavior, along with the destruction it causes. An older man wants peace. An older man does not deliberately walk an errant path. He attempts to learn from his failures, change those things in himself that do not lead to a fulfilling life, and comes here ready to make a new life for himself and a beautiful woman. An older man wants to treasure a woman, to provide for her, to attend to her every desire.
Those are my thoughts...:-)