Researchers from the American Center for the Study of Long-Distance Relationships (yes, imagine, there is such a thing!) blame the economy and the Internet for the emergence of a huge number of separated lovers. The conclusion is generally obvious: the increasing mobility of the workforce does not have the best effect on the quality of personal life and makes a large contribution to the piggy bank of long-distance relationships. As well as numerous dating sites: every year tens of thousands of people around the world find each other on the Internet despite geography. Students who, for the sake of studying, leave their first (and maybe second) great love and move to other cities and countries are also at “risk”. The ease with which people move around the world and take on projects in different parts of the globe has led to the emergence of the phenomenon of long-distance marriage, or, as sociologists call it, a distant family. At present, such families make up about 6% of the total number of married couples in Russia, and their number is only growing every year. The difference between such marriages and “traditional” ones is that the spouses do not live together (usually because of work), maintaining a tender romantic relationship and not planning to get divorced.A reasonable question: why do some couples not survive separation, while others do? Is it possible to predict which couple will cope with a long-distance relationship and which will break up? According to psychologists Lee and Carol Pistol from the American Purdue University, this is quite possible. The fact is that our relationships with others are most influenced by the attachment model that we formed in childhood, communicating with parents and family members. People with the so-called secure attachment style are self-confident, they do not need confirmation of their own attractiveness and value from other people, they are able to maintain a balance between independence and closeness in relationships. Such people (I would even say, superhumans) are not afraid of loneliness, they are comfortable alone with themselves, and therefore their attitude towards their partner is unchanged, regardless of whether he is nearby or thousands of kilometers away. If a person is characterized by an anxious or avoidant type of attachment, then it is terribly difficult for him to be away from loved ones. Without constant approval and confirmation of love, such people wither and begin to go crazy. When a loved one is far away, "anxious" types first go into self-criticism and then start looking for flaws in their partner and the relationship as a whole. They are extremely sensitive to the difficulties that inevitably arise in a long-distance relationship, and the absence of a loved one is equivalent to losing themselves for them.

After conducting a study among 600 people who had experience in long-distance relationships, psychologists found that those couples where at least one partner has a reliable attachment can withstand the blow. But what if you are both not yet wise and experienced enough not to worry and doubt at all? First of all, realize that from the very moment you say goodbye at the airport and the plane with a silver wing leaves only a shadow on the ground, you will no longer be able to control anything. This is generally a bad habit, if it comes to that, even in ordinary, traditional relationships. But at a distance, it is like death. Any attempt at control increases anxiety, excites an unhealthy fantasy, covers with a veil of doubts and fears. And as a result, you have less and less strength, time and attention left for love - the only thing that helps you survive separation.
Your task is to establish a strong connection, and any doubt creates micro-breaks. How to avoid this? Be here and now, and not in thoughts and dreams. Call and write to each other during the day (fortunately, Viber, WhatsApp and iMessage allow you to do this for free), share everything that happens to you - both the chronicle of events and feelings. And gossip! Discussing a third party, no matter how unethical it may sound, brings people very close. Calm your conscience: you are not hatching a malicious plan, but just sharpening your tongues. Psychological fact: exchanging the latest gossip makes relationships stronger. You seem to tell each other: “We are not like them” - and this acts as a sedative on souls wounded by separation.

At first, you may feel like you have sacrificed yourself — for his studies or career. Or, on the contrary: that the victim is your beloved man, if you had to leave. Both are unconstructive and add unnecessary pathos to everyday conversations. You feel like a martyr or, on the contrary, you are struggling with guilt and, as a result, you begin to talk exclusively about the sublime. Give up this pathetic business. You need to share feelings, cute little things, witty observations and sexy selfies — all this is the best way to keep the fire of love and passion burning.