While many regrets are small and quickly forgotten (like a thoughtless comment you blurted out), some stick with us for a long time. These become significant crossroads that leave you wondering about the hypothetical “better version” of your life.

Reflecting on these deeper regrets is important because they usually relate to major life decisions that could have changed a lot. But what kind of decisions do we regret the most, and why?

One way to find out is by listening to those who care for palliative patients. People who work in hospices and spend most of their time talking to those in the final stage of life can see things that we often miss in the daily rush. Perhaps the most famous example comes from Bronnie Ware, an Australian palliative care nurse who wrote a book called *The Top Five Regrets of the Dying*.

In it, she highlights the five most common regrets she heard from people reflecting on their lives and sharing their thoughts with her:

1. "I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."
2. "I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. Time doesn’t come back, so if you spend it all on work, you’ll miss out on more meaningful things."
3. "I regret not having the courage to express my feelings. It’s only by being open and honest with our emotions that we can form genuine connections with others."
4. "I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends. It’s heartbreaking to lose those who truly understand and accept you as you are."
5. "I wish I’d let myself be happier. Other people’s expectations and opinions shouldn’t stop you from being who you are. Happiness is found in the journey, not just in the destination, which you might never even reach."

What leads to regret?

The likelihood that a decision will result in regret increases due to several factors. Long-term regret is more likely for decisions involving inaction, where you chose not to do something—like passing up that job abroad you didn’t take or not having the courage to ask that person out on a date. These regrets are amplified by our imagination, which compares the real world to an imagined, better outcome. You’ll never know how things could’ve turned out, but your mind easily paints a rosy picture, leading you to the disheartening conclusion that you missed something important or even life-changing.

Decisions that lead to undesirable outcomes bring more regret when they’re harder to justify in hindsight. Some decisions are made quickly, without consulting others or thinking through the options and their potential consequences. When these choices don’t turn out well, you regret how easily you could have done something different but didn’t take it seriously at the time.

Regret often stems from decisions that pull you away from your ideal self. What do I mean by that? The person you want to become is shaped by your values, which reflect what’s important to you in the bigger picture. Whatever those values are, decisions that compromise them put you at risk of future regrets. To avoid this, it’s crucial to make choices aligned with your personal life priorities. Even if things don’t work out, you’ll know why the decision made sense to you at the time. ❤️