Sign #1: "You should"
The abuser loves the phrase: "You should!"
"You should answer me in 3 seconds, otherwise I will decide that you fell in love with your neighbor!"
"You should cook, iron, fix the car and at the same time smile like in a toothpaste commercial!"
This is where you should tense up. You don't owe anyone anything except yourself - to be happy and sane.
Sign #2: "It's your fault"
He broke your favorite cup? "Well, you put it badly!"
Late for a date? "You threw me off with your morning text!"
If you are the only one to blame for all the troubles, run. This is not romance, this is manipulation.
Sign #3: "I know better what you need"
The abuser assures that he is your personal Google:
"Those jeans don't suit you. Wear a dress like my mom!"
"You don't need friends. Stay home and talk to me!"
Remember: the person who "knows better" how to live for you is not care, but control in a beautiful wrapper.
Sign #4: "Jokes beyond the pale"
His favorite: "I was just joking!"
But for some reason, jokes are always such that you want to go and cry into your pillow. Real humor is when both of you laugh, not just him.
Sign #5: "You're Nobody Without Me"
The abuser loves to play the role of a benefactor. "Who else will take you?" he asks, standing in old sweatpants and with socks on his hands instead of mittens. Darling, without you I'm definitely anyone - even a queen, if I want to!
How to save yourself?
If something worries you, trust your intuition. It is your best protector.
Don't be afraid to say "no" and set boundaries.
And remember: you are not a "victim", but a woman who deserves happiness, respect and healthy love.
And most importantly - don't be afraid to leave those who tie weights instead of wings. It is better to be alone and free than in a "golden cage" under someone else's control.
With humor, love and care,
Anastasia (who owes nothing to anyone except herself).