This sense of unsafety might have taken many forms: being told it was inappropriate to voice desires, that it was impolite, or witnessing strong emotional reactions from others that felt threatening. It could also stem from a lack of examples in verbalizing feelings and desires or from traumas related to such expressions.

I intentionally use the word "unsafe" because it physiologically captures the mechanism we experience. Fear is always a reaction to danger. And often, when we talk about the inability to stand up for ourselves or express our desires, we’re really talking about the fear of doing so.

Fear can arise at any age, depending on experiences and context. The key element will always be the sense of safety associated with the action.

If something in your past experience evokes a feeling of unsafety, or if your current context feels unsafe, it means you need support.

Every experience prompts us to adapt in order to survive and achieve our goals—if not directly, then indirectly.

Indirect paths, however, tend to be very energy-intensive, and while we might not consciously understand this, we feel it. That’s why, at some point, we long to regain the ability to speak openly, to directly express our desires, and to have our opinions acknowledged.

These two concepts—desires and opinions—are deeply interconnected. Our desires stem from our opinions, our subjective experiences, and our personal truths.

The way we reconnect with this ability depends on the experiences that shaped our capacity to speak openly and stand up for ourselves.

We need a safe space to experience and process this—where we can speak openly, express ourselves, and see that nothing terrible happens. A space where we receive support and acknowledgment, where we are not just speaking but are being listened to and heard.

From there, we can create a plan for how to achieve what we want using our own abilities and the resources available to us. 💖