Thoughts about this always come suddenly. Sometimes on a date with friends, discussing other people's dramas, sometimes late at night, looking at my reflection in the mirror and asking myself difficult questions. And every time I understand how personal, painful, and fascinating this question is in its contradictions.

I don't have ready-made answers, but I do have experience - my own and the one I learned about from other people's stories. There was an incident that is still retold at bachelorette parties: one friend cheated on her husband with a colleague. At that moment, according to her, everything was like in slow motion. Conversations until the night, funny messages that involuntarily became personal, and, finally, the moment when the line simply disappeared. She thought their marriage was doomed, but... after a few months of confession, tears and late-night conversations, she realized that this betrayal not only did not destroy their relationship, but became a shake-up for them that helped bring back that very passion that had long been lost in the routine.

Perhaps at this moment you raise an eyebrow skeptically and think: "Well, yes, of course, the classic excuse: it's not my fault, it's life that made me do it." And I agree. In the story of betrayal, there are no simple moral categories, no right or wrong. Only situations, pain and... maybe growth.

But what's going on in the head of the one who decides to do this? Here, a lot depends on the circumstances. Cheating is not always a cold calculation or a thirst for novelty. Often, it is an attempt to feel alive again. An escape from the gray everyday life, a sense of one's significance, the ability to attract and conquer. Yes, it is selfish. But if you think about it, most of our desires are selfish.

When they say that cheating destroys everything, I doubt it. Because sometimes it is like a fatal storm that sweeps through a relationship, cleanses it and takes it to a new level. And sometimes it is just a catastrophe from which it is impossible to get out. What will happen depends on two people. On their honesty, their desires and on whether they are ready to forgive, accept and build something new.

If you ask me what I would do, I will answer: I don’t know. Maybe I would drop everything and leave, slamming the door. Or maybe I would be able to take control of everything and understand that love and affection are stronger than this pain. We often live in a world of clear answers and ready-made solutions, but life is more about nuances.

You know what amazes me the most? Many people condemn cheating, but when it concerns them personally, their views become much softer. Personally, I've always suspected that it's because we're afraid to realize that no one is perfect. Not even ourselves. We build relationships, surrounding them with an aura of holy perfection, and then panic when cracks appear on the horizon.

You might think now that I'm justifying betrayal. Not really. Rather, I observe life and see that it's far from black and white. Cheating is not about bad people. It's about difficult moments, temptations, sometimes weakness, sometimes a mistake, and sometimes even... a path to something better.

By the way, another interesting point arises here: maybe cheating ignites passion, but what causes it most often? A paradox: stagnation, lack of emotion. And also - a lack of honesty with ourselves. Imagine: a person is stuck in a relationship that has become more of a habit than a desire. He does not know how to express what has accumulated. Sometimes he himself doesn't even understand it until a third person appears in his life. And then, like lightning, an epiphany - that's what he was missing so much.

This letter will probably leave many questions. Maybe it will irritate you, or, on the contrary, make you curious.

Tell me

Lana Banana