There are things that are easy to say but hard to do. For example, saying no to friends, colleagues, or even loved ones in something that goes against your interests. For me, the ability to say "no" has become one of the most important lessons in life after 30.

Sounds familiar, right?*

A friend invites you to a party, but you've already dreamed of spending the evening with a blanket and a TV series. The boss asks you to stay an hour or two, although this is far from the first "rescue operation" in a week. Or the neighbor in the entrance suddenly "forgets" that you promised to help her move, and calls 20 minutes before your plans. The result is always the same: you agree, hide your disappointment inside and... reap the consequences.

The trap of the habit of "being nice to everyone"

I used to think that refusal was indecent. Moreover, for some reason it seemed to me that it would hit the relationship. Once at work, a colleague asked me to redo her presentation because she "didn't have time at all." Say "no"? That's betrayal! I stayed after work, although I myself was completely loaded. Later, I realized that my refusal of my own interests did not save anything. On the contrary, my colleague decided that it was now normal to shift her work onto others.

When the realization came
Once a psychologist told me the phrase: "Saying "no" is not just a refusal, it is a way of saying "yes" to your goals, freedom and happiness." Then I thought: when I agree to something out of fear or guilt, I actually sacrifice myself.

I began to experiment. For example:
- A friend invited me to the movies, but I honestly said that I needed to be alone. And you know what? He wasn’t offended — moreover, he said that he sometimes dreams of the same.
- When a colleague once again suggested switching shifts, I said that I couldn’t because of other things. She understood and... stopped considering it my duty.
- Even to my parents, with whom “refusal” seems akin to personal drama, I learned to explain that sometimes I simply can’t help, but I’m always ready to do it when I can.

How to start saying “no” without feeling guilty

1. Admit that it’s normal.
People will understand more than you think. Refusal doesn’t make you a bad person.

2. Use short phrases.
Instead of an apologetic monologue, it’s enough to say: “Sorry, I can’t now,” “I’m busy today,” “I need time for myself.”

3. Track your emotions.
If you agree to something because of fear, shame or pressure, it will probably be to your detriment.

4. Remember that honesty is more important.
Someone who respects your boundaries will accept refusal with understanding. Others just find it convenient to take advantage of your gentleness.
:
When I learned to say "no", I felt free for the first time. I had more time for what was important, my relationships with others improved (yes, boundaries are the foundation of healthy relationships!), and most importantly, I began to respect myself a little more.

Try it yourself. Start with something small: don't agree to dinner if you're tired, or say no where you really can't help. You'll see how the world will adapt to your new rules, and not vice versa. By saying "no" to others, you say "yes" to yourself.

Katechka