When you "seem to be an adult"
Recently, while paying my utility bills, I caught myself thinking: "Is this really me? Or am I just training to be someone who can really do it?" But I'm 32, I have a decent job, and a separate apartment. On paper, it all sounds like a manifesto of adulthood, but inside it's as if someone is whispering: "Baby, when will they find out that you don't understand what you're doing?"

Sound familiar? Millions are infected with this "pretend adulthood syndrome": your friends, colleagues, maybe even your parents (oh, how scary to imagine). Let's try to understand what's going on.

Mistakes that no one explained to us
1. Adults always know what to do
How many times have we been told this through movies, books, or older relatives. But the reality is this: no one knows everything. Bosses learn from their mistakes, parents google how to treat a child's rash, and specialists put off updating their skills until tomorrow. The realization that ignorance is normal is liberating.

2. It will be easier for you if you succeed
Where did the idea come from that confidence will come immediately after a couple of checkpoints? You have a diploma, but you are not confident in your chosen profession. You have a stable income, but it is unclear where it disappears to. It turns out that the more we achieve, the harder it is to digest.

3. Real adults do not suffer from their emotions
How do you like it: feeling "adequate" all day long, and then experiencing three circles of hell because of a petty quarrel on the bus or an absurd comment at a meeting? I bet this happens to everyone. In fact, emotions are the hardest to work with, because we are rarely taught how to do it.

Living your adult life: small steps
When you understand that there is no "correct model of adulthood", the interesting part begins. You learn to create your own rules. Here's what helps me:
1. Define your mini-"checkpoints"
Instead of the abstract "I need to be successful", decide: "I want to read one book a month" or "save three salaries for a rainy day".

2. Treat yourself like a best friend
Would you judge a friend who chose to relax instead of cleaning? So spare yourself. Sometimes a chocolate bar and a TV series are more valuable than a full checklist of things to do.

3. Don't be afraid of stupid questions
Look for answers. My friend learned to fill out a tax return at 34. Now she is proud of this skill almost like an Olympic medalist.

We don't learn to be adults from textbooks. It's a process full of discoveries, stumbles, and failures so epic that in five years you'll be able to laugh at them. If you're reading this, you're already doing it. Keep going!

Ask yourself just one question: which of these fears or misunderstandings can you begin to sort out today? The answers will surprise you.