When a relationship is just starting to develop, everything seems easy and exciting: you want to be close, share emotions and help your partner in everything. However, over time, it becomes difficult to understand where healthy attachment ends and dependence begins, in which your desires and feelings dissolve in him. Here are some signs that your care can become something other than an expression of love.
When I was 24, I had a relationship for several months with a man who suffered from constant stress at work. To support him, I started canceling all my plans, being there 24/7, and literally forgetting about my own needs. It seemed like a sign of care, but somewhere on a subconscious level, I began to feel anxious if he didn’t give me enough attention. The dependence was unnoticeable, but it became unbearable. The more I devoted myself to him, the more I lost myself. At some point, it occurred to me that if I didn’t make myself feel indispensable, the relationship would be at risk.
I know couples in which one party simply “dissolves” in the life of the other. They stop doing things that used to bring pleasure, begin to take everything for their partner and look for the meaning of their existence in him. For example, one of my friends did nothing but help her partner for six months, despite the obvious difference in their needs. For him, it was part of love, but for her, it was a path to depression. A broken cycle of losing your boundaries, especially when your partner does not see it or does not realize it.
How not to become a hostage to your emotions?
It is important to remember that love is not dissolving in another person. A healthy relationship is when both partners remain independent individuals who respect each other and their individual boundaries. Love should support, but not take away strength. No one should be the center of the other's Universe. Respect your space and interests, and there will be no contradictions in the relationship.
Do not hesitate to move away from habitual patterns of behavior if you notice that you are starting to lose yourself. It is important to find a balance between partnership and independence. Love and support should go hand in hand with personal space and self-respect. Learn to stop in time and ask yourself simple questions: "Am I doing this for myself, or to keep this person close, in any way?" Do not turn your care into an instrument of control. Your happiness should not depend on others.
Think about it: relationships in which there is no room for "I" most often die. You need to respect both your individuality and the value of the relationship. Only when you have space for personal experiences can you offer a real resource for love, not just affection.
Plain Katechka