You can argue passionately, insisting, “But I meant well!”—but if the result is conflict, misunderstanding, or being ignored, something clearly went wrong.

It’s not just that people tend to interpret things in their own way. The problem runs deeper: many people don’t fully understand what they’re trying to achieve with their words and actions. On the surface, everyone’s intentions seem positive (at least for themselves). But if the intention is unclear and the chosen way of expressing it is off-target, then it’s useless.

A simple example: A woman occasionally calls her partner a failure. Why? Maybe she wants to motivate him, point out his mistakes, or (let’s be honest) boost her own confidence at his expense. Eventually, the result of her “method” becomes obvious: one man might feel challenged and step up, another might get angry, a third might withdraw, and a fourth might leave. If the goal was motivation but the reaction is an argument or emotional distance, then the method isn’t working.

That means it’s time to find a different one. The only reasonable approach is to pay close attention to feedback, accept that reality matters more than expectations, and adjust your behavior accordingly. Otherwise, it’s like giving someone a gift based on what you want, then getting upset when they never use it.

When you start tracking reactions and refining your approach, life becomes much easier. It’s like spending years trying to break through a wall with your head—then suddenly finding the key to the door.

It’s worth a try.