Why do men want to be first?
Ego and uniqueness. For a man, being "first" is like taking a pedestal. It is a feeling of victory, a desire to be special, to leave his mark on her memory.
The illusion of a clean slate. First love is like a white canvas. He wants to believe that there was no pain or disappointment before it.
The desire for control. It is easier for the first to set the tone for the relationship, to create their own "rules of the game".
Fear of comparisons. Being first, he avoids competition with the ghosts of her past.
Why do women want to be last?
The thirst for stability. It is important for a woman to feel safe, confident that she is the final choice, not an intermediate stage.
A story with a happy ending. Women love complete stories. To become his last novel means to write a happy ending with him.
Overcoming his past. To become the one for whom he will stop, forget about previous mistakes and start a new life.
The desire to be a muse. The last novel is an inspiration, this is the one for whom he will want to be better.
Where do these two worlds meet?
In the present moment. A man may not be her first love, but he can become the most vivid memory.
In the readiness to build a future. She may not be his only woman, but she will become the one with whom he wants to live his whole life.
In accepting the past. Instead of being afraid of it, it is better to learn from it and move on together.
How to create a love that does not matter whether it is the first or the last?
Appreciate real feelings. It is not who was before, but how you love each other now that matters.
Don't be afraid of past stories. Each of us has our own "ex". This is an experience that helped us become who we are.
Be sincere. Talk openly about your feelings, fears and desires.
Create new memories together. Let your "now" become something you want to remember for the rest of your life.
Ideally, each of us wants to be the only one and unique. But true mature love is not a race for primacy or the last line in his or her book of life. It is the creation of a joint story, where it is important not where it began, but how you write it together every day.
Love so that it does not matter whether it is your first love or your last. Let it become real. Marina.