The root of misunderstanding often lies in our inability to ask clear, meaningful questions. And this is so important!

We often ask questions not to genuinely understand the other person, but out of habit or for other reasons—like seeking attention or asserting ourselves. Instead of asking, “Why do you think that?” we might ask, “Don’t you see you’re wrong?” The first question invites a dialogue; the second invites confrontation.

Understanding isn’t just about exchanging information—it’s about exchanging meaning. In the process of dialogue, we not only learn about the other person, but we often discover something about ourselves too.

In family conflicts, partners often ask questions that sound like accusations: “Why do you never listen to me?” Instead of asking, “What can I do to help you hear me better?” The second could be a beautiful start to a constructive conversation.

Sadly, some people tend to be egocentric in conversations. They focus more on what *they* want to say than on understanding the other person. This aligns with the theory of *egocentric bias*, which explains why it’s so hard for us to step into someone else’s shoes. There's also something called the *false consensus effect*—the tendency to assume that others think the same way we do, simply because we believe our way of thinking is the norm.

So, how do we ask better questions ❓

Ask questions that show genuine interest in the other person’s thoughts and feelings. Paying attention to the small things is your secret weapon in communication.

One powerful technique is *active listening*. This means fully engaging with the person—not just hearing their words, but showing respect, empathy, and curiosity. Ask questions that help reveal the emotional layer of a situation, like: “What’s most important to you in all of this?” or “What would you like to change?” Try putting yourself in their shoes.

A real, heartfelt conversation isn’t just about exchanging facts—it’s about creating understanding. 👩🏻💕👨🏼

So, how do you build mutual understanding in your relationships? 💖