We delay and delay… and life goes on. If nothing changed, maybe that would be fine — but the reality is, the consequences build up. A conversation that might have taken just a couple of hours can turn into a pile of resentment and misunderstanding. It’s like a ticking time bomb. Your feelings toward the other person start to change, emotional distance grows.

On top of that, there’s often a sense of internal betrayal. “I need to change this, to say what’s bothering me,” but instead, “I choose to stay silent and live a life that doesn’t feel right.”

Our psychological defenses kick in to help us avoid unpleasant emotions. *Avoidance* pushes the conversation to “later.” *Rationalization* gives us reasons and justifies the situation. *Projection* lets us downplay the outcome.

Many people simply never learned how to have serious emotional conversations — often because their parents didn’t model that behavior. So being open and vulnerable feels scary, like a weakness. But in reality, vulnerability is a sign of deep inner strength. Admitting your fears, pain, and insecurities is a way of owning who you truly are. For your mental and emotional health, that’s way more valuable than appearing “strong” in front of others.

These moments bring us closer to our real selves. And that real self isn’t weak, scared, or broken — those are just surface-level projections. When you find the courage to face them, you begin to see your true self behind them.

So, what can you do if you’re scared to talk?

Start by getting clear on the purpose of the conversation. What do you want: to feel free, to find a solution, to share your feelings, to understand the other person? Try using “I”-statements. It may sound simple, but it really works and feels safe to the other person. You can start with phrases like: “I feel…”, “It’s important to me…”, “It’s hard for me when…”

Avoid blaming or being aggressive. Even if what you’re saying is 100% true, it will trigger defensiveness if it’s said with anger. And most importantly — don’t expect the conversation to be perfect. The fact that you’re taking the first step already means a lot. Even if the conversation is tense, it still brings movement and progress. And for you, it’s a way of showing love and care for yourself — because you’re listening to your discomfort and trying to do something about it. 😇