Why are we so drawn to the "wrong" people? What is so special about them - or, on the contrary, familiar?

It all starts deeper than it seems. Often we choose not the one who suits us, but the one who seems "familiar". This can be something from childhood - a model of communication with parents, where love was associated with a struggle for attention, with expectation, with anxiety. Then subconsciously we again and again look for relationships in which we need to deserve warmth. Even if in our heads we want something completely different.

In addition, the "wrong" people often know how to hook emotions. They are bright, unpredictable, around them - a constant drive, swings of feelings, splashes. It is addictive. When you have someone stable and reliable around, it may seem like things aren't clicking. But in reality, it's not about boredom — it's about security, which we're just not used to.

Sometimes we fall in love not with the person themselves, but with the idea of ​​them. With what they can become if you "reveal", "heal", "prove your love". This creates the illusion of a special connection and mission. But, alas, relationships are built not on hope, but on reality.

What to do about it? First, realize it. Start observing your patterns: who attracts you, why, what feelings prevail next to this person — anxiety or calm? Second, learn to separate passion from destruction. Feelings are important, but how you feel inside these feelings is also important. And, third, be honest with yourself. Sometimes you need to admit that a person is not suitable, even if you really want to. And allow yourself to choose someone who will not be a battle, but a home.

Attraction to the “wrong” is not a sentence. It is simply a signal: there is something inside that wants to be noticed, healed, understood. And when we do this, the choice suddenly becomes different. Warmer, more mature, more real.