I didn't set myself the task of making some kind of spiritual marathon out of it, like, look how holy I am. No. I just wanted silence. In a world where everything buzzes, flashes, hurries - I really wanted to slow down. I needed God, but without the fuss. Without the feeling that I "owe something". Just me and Him. And... a little emptiness inside, to hear my heart again.

Lent is not only about food, although giving up tasty things also teaches. It teaches humility, patience and inner discipline. It's amazing how often your hand reaches for something sweet exactly when your soul is tired. As if sugar could replace hugs or understanding. But no, it can't.

The first few days were hard. Everything inside me was arguing: "Why do you need this? Life is hard enough as it is." It felt like I was giving up small joys in a world where there is already so much pain. But it was at that moment that I realized: fasting is not about giving up joy, it is about making room for real joy.

I began to pray more often. But not like before - not according to a list, not with a sense of guilt. I began to talk to God as to a Friend. Sincerely. Sometimes in a whisper, sometimes silently, only with my heart. In the morning, when the apartment is still dark, and I make coffee. In the evening, when I return home, tired, but there is a warm light in my heart.

I reconsidered many things. Including - about myself. I realized how often we base our self-esteem on how much attention we get, how “in demand” we are, who likes us. And during Lent, it’s like you take these bright labels off yourself. You remain who you are. Without filters. Without “having to be liked.” And there’s a huge freedom in that.

Sometimes it seemed to me that I was becoming less noticeable, less “convenient” for the world — I don’t laugh at everything, I don’t run to my feed, I don’t rush to noisy meetings. But in return, I got a feeling of... dignity? Not pride, but a calm knowledge of my own value. Like a woman who knows Whose she is. Who isn’t afraid to be herself. Who knows how to wait — and not just in terms of relationships.

I saw how much happens inside when you simply remain true to yourself. When you don’t look for an instant result. When you simply live, trying to be a little kinder, a little more tolerant. Sometimes you break down, but then you get up. And you continue.

Closer to Easter, I noticed that I became happier. For no particular reason. Right in the middle of everyday affairs. Because, perhaps, when you refuse the unnecessary, you feel the main thing better. Simple. Real. Something that you can’t buy for any food, likes or even compliments.

I don’t want this to sound like a moral. This is not “I did it — and you can too”, it’s just a quiet joy that I want to share. Because if suddenly you are reading this and you yourself are a little lost, tired or looking for something deeper... know that it is there. And it is closer than it seems. Sometimes you just need to pause.

Sometimes you understand yourself precisely in refusal. Sometimes self-love is not a bubble bath and a TV series, but an inner work. Silent, but strong. The one that makes you a little closer to Him — and to yourself.

So yes, I have kept the fast this year. And you know... it was one of my most beautiful journeys. Without a suitcase. But with God. And how are you?

Lana Banana