Why does this happen? Why are we attracted to those who do not give us the love we want? The answer lies partly in the brain.

🧠 Neurotransmitters are to blame
When we encounter unpredictable behavior - "sometimes I love, sometimes I ignore" - our brain reacts especially sharply. This activates the dopamine system associated with reward. The more uncertainty, the more the brain "clings" to the chance to get a reward - attention, recognition, love.

It's like a game: you don't know whether you will win or lose - which means you want to try again and again. And this forms an addiction, like gambling.

💣 Why does the brain choose the "sick"?
A Habitual Pattern from Childhood
If love in childhood was inconsistent - sometimes cold, sometimes warm - the brain gets used to it: "This is how it should be." We subconsciously look for similar scenarios in order, oddly enough, to "rewrite" familiar pain. But more often - we just repeat.

Strong emotions = "real"
Suffering, jealousy, fear of loss - powerful feelings. And the brain mistakenly believes: if it is felt strongly, then it is love. But in fact - it is dopamine chaos.

The illusion of "salvation"
We are drawn to those who seem mysterious, traumatized or "difficult." Why? Because if we save them - we prove our worth to ourselves. This is a trap.

🧬 Neuroscience versus mature relationships?
Sometimes it seems that "healthy" relationships are boring. No explosions, no panic, no struggle. But this is not because there is no love. It's just that in such relationships the brain is not in a panic. He doesn't release dopamine every five minutes, he doesn't throw a tantrum. He's calm. And we, accustomed to hormonal swings, confuse this state with "lack of love".

🛠 What to do if you're drawn to the "wrong ones"?
Admit your dependence on emotional swings
This is not about weakness - it's about a neurobiological response.

Work with your inner conviction: "I must earn love"
True love does not require proof.

Learn to miss calm, not drama
You need to learn this too. But it is in calm that intimacy is born.

Ask yourself an honest question: am I drawn to a person or to the feeling that he triggers in me?

We choose "unsuitable" people not because something is wrong with us. But because the brain and psyche are used to looking for the familiar - even if it is sick. But the good news is that the brain can relearn. Which means we can learn to choose love that heals rather than destroys.