The words I will write here come from a heart that has known both love and hurt. The bittersweet feelings of both happiness and sorrows. So many times I have read and have been asked "what is love". There are as many answers to this as there are people on this earth. We all see love differently. We all experience it in our own ways.
When you give your heart completely and sincerely love becomes the most precious of feelings and state of being anyone will ever know. We will do almost anything to make each day better then the last for the one we so deeply love and cherish.
I have known this blissful feeling in my life. Regrettably for reasons which still baffle and confuse me it became an emptiness in my soul I could not get past. My hurt and feeling of betrayal manifested in me an overwhelming emptiness. It made a very logical and sensible man lose sight of what was important. I stopped being understanding. I became more focused on what happened between me and her.
I was hurt by, bitter, and resentful of so many things. It became more about sating my feelings inside then being the better man. It should have been all about forgiving and letting it go. To forgive is divine and I could not see past my own selfishness to forgive. I was so wrong and I hurt a woman who deserved my understanding and not my wrath.
Words spoken can never be taken back and the hurt in those words will linger in her heart far longer then the love she had for me ever will. I truly was not the man I prided myself to be with her. I knew better and no matter what issues I may endure inside, hurting her took away my self-respect and dignity. It made me become a man in her eyes she would never see as stable or understanding ever again.
Losing her love was not the bitterest pill to swallow, losing her trust and friendship is. We are blessed in life only so many times and one of the sweetest blessings was knowing and loving her. I look back and reflect on all she did to encourage me. To support me through every trial and tribulation. She was there and was my friend.
In her time of needing the same I was to prideful and selfish to put my own issues aside and give her the understanding she truly deserved. She made so few mistakes with me and forgave me so many times when I strayed from logic and common sense.
I let one mistake from her take every beautiful memory, every tender moment, and all we ever shared and replace them with my bitterness. I did the one thing we swore to each other we would never do. I let go of her hand and saw her love slip away.
I do not seek pity or sympathy here. All I write is words from my heart. I write my words in hopes that those who read them are wiser and more understanding then I.
I write these words in hopes it gives all a moment to reflect and save a beautiful love and not make the same careless mistake I did.
Nadia I know my words will never change any part of what you endured. I am truly sorry I failed you and hope you find a very happy and loving future ahead. I have learned a very valuable lesson from you. Letting go and forgiving is what makes me a true gentleman. Letting go is never easy when you love so deeply. Yet to be the better man, it takes being able to put aside our own hurt and be understanding of the one you love.
Thank you for giving me so many beautiful moments spent with you. I cherish them and in my heart I will keep them. Best wishes.