My morning ritual:

1. Open one eye. See the clock. Close both.

2. Negotiate with your conscience about whether or not to get up today at all.

3. Walk to the bathroom with sounds that resemble an old door hinge.

4. Drink coffee as if it were holy communion.

Instead of meditation, ponder the question "Why didn't I go to bed earlier again?"
Instead of exercise, lift a cup to your mouth in five sets.
Instead of positive affirmations, something like: "Well, we'll survive today too."

So here's my anti-prescription, not perfect, but sincere. And sometimes that's exactly what you want from life.

And your morning also has elements of survival?